The Emperors New Clothes 2006 (with apologies to Hans Christian Anderson)

http://www.broadviewpress.com/tales/emperorsclothes.htm


Very, very recently there was a Evolutionary Theory Professor who was so
terribly fond of a new and beautiful gene centric theory of evolution that
he spent all his time on it. He did not care about biology so such, or
attending his lab, or even observing nature, unless it was to show off this
new theory. He had an oversimplified model of it for every hour of the day.
And just as we say, "The king is in his council chamber," his students used
to say, "The Professor is working at his next model".
In the prestigious university where the Professor taught, life was gay
and happy; and every day new visitors arrived. One day two swindlers came.
They told everybody that they were epistemologists and that they could weave
the most marvelous explanations out of just nothing at all. Not only was the
logic and the mathematics of these explanations extraordinarily beautiful,
but they had the strange (not only quarks are strange) quality of remaining
true only to those who remain fit for their office or are extraordinarily
intelligent.
"This is truly marvelous," thought the Professor. "Now if I had a gene
centric theory derived from this new epistemology we can simply dictate
which papers get published. They must provide me with this amazing
epistemology!" And he gave the swindlers a lot of taxpayer's money so they
could start working at once. They set up their own study and acted as if
they were thinking, but their minds remained empty. On the fine computers
and other expensive equipment they demanded from the Professor they only
played childish games, later on hiding this equipment to steal and sell.
Late into the night they would sit before pages full of just circular
arguments and/or just random thoughts pretending to think.
"I would like to know how far they've come," thought the Professor; but
his heart beat strangely when he remembered that those who were stupid or
unfit for their office would not be able to see anything in their
epistemology. Not that he was really worried that this would happen to him.
Still, it might be better to send someone else the first time and see how
they fared. Everybody in the university had heard about the new
epistemologies magical irrefutable qualities and most of them could hardly
wait to find out how stupid or unworthy their colleagues were if they
claimed that they could not see any meaning in so called "irrefutability".
"I shall send my best lecturers and researchers to view their new
epistemology," thought the Professor. "They will know how to judge the
material, for they are both clever and intelligent."
A good-natured colleague of the Professor stepped into the study where
the epistemologists were working and viewed their entirely circular and/or
random arguments. He closed his eyes, and opened them again. "God preserve
me!" he thought. "I cannot see a thing!" But he didn't say it out loud.
The swindlers asked him to step a little closer so that he could admire
the intricate logic and the ingenious mathematics of their false
epistemology. They both pointed to their many non empirically based random
and/or entirely irrefutable circular arguments, and the poor old lecturer
opened his eyes as wide as he could; but it didn't help, he still couldn't
see anything that was not entirely circular or just random.
"Am I stupid?" he thought. "I can't believe it, but if it is so, it is
best no one finds out about it. But maybe I am not fit to teach. I'd better
not admit that I can't see anything in their epistemology." "Tell us what
you think of it," demanded one of the swindlers. "It is beautiful. It is
very lovely," mumbled the old lecturer, adjusting his glasses while he
carefully considered the future of his superannuation. "What logic! What
mathematics! I shall tell the evolutionary theory Professor that I am
greatly pleased." "And that pleases us," the swindlers said; and now they
described their entirely reversible patterns of logic and the randomness
they had assumed. The lecturer listened attentively, so that he could repeat
their words to his evolutionary theory Professor, and that is exactly what
he did.
The two swindlers demanded more and more resources. They said they had to
use it to develop their new epistemology, but their papers remained as
tautologous and full of randomness as ever. Soon the Professor sent another
of his trusted colleagues to see how the work was progressing. He looked and
looked just as the other lecturers had, but since there was nothing to be
seen except endless circular logic and just randomness, he didn't see
anything.
"Isn't it a marvelous piece of reasoning?" asked one of the swindlers;
and they both began to describe the beauty of their tautologous mathematics.
"I am not stupid," thought the lecturer. "I must be unfit to teach. That
is strange; but I'd better not admit it to anyone." And he started to praise
the material, which he could never see, for the loveliness of its logic and
mathematics.

"I think it is the most charming epistemology I have ever seen," declared
a lecturer to the Professor.
Everyone in the university was talking about the marvelous logic that the
swindlers were creating which actually allowed "a free lunch" to exist for
the very first time in this universe.
At last the good Professor himself decided to see it before it was
published. Attended by the most important people in the University among
them a prominent researcher of biology and the lecturers who had been there
before, the Professor entered the room where the bogus epistemologists were
writing furiously. "Isn't it magnifique?" asked the prominent researcher.
"Professor, look at the logic and mathematics,". And the two old
gentlemen pointed to reams of just tautologous mathematics based on random
events, believing that all the rest of the company could actually see an
idea. "What!" thought the Professor. "I can't see a thing! Why, this is a
disaster! Am I stupid? Am I unfit to be a Professor? Oh, it is too
horrible!" Aloud he said, "It is very lovely. It has my approval," while he
nodded his head and looked at the rational emptiness which comprised their
new epistemology.
All the lecturers, other professors, and men of great importance who had
come with him stared and stared; but they saw no more than the Professor had
seen, but they said the same thing that he had said, "It is lovely." And
they advised him to produce an evolutionary theory based on this new
circular and randomly based epistemology so that he could read it at the
next great conference.
"It is magnificent! Beautiful! Excellent!" All of their mouths agreed,
though none of their minds had seen anything. The two swindlers were
decorated and given the title "Honorary Doctor Of Philosophy"
The night before the convention, the two swindlers didn't sleep at all.
They had sixteen candles lighting up the study where they worked. Everyone
could see how busy they were, getting the Professors new epistemology
finished. They pretended to write down new ideas, they punched any old
hypothetical data into their computers and invented ideas which were
absolutely self contradictory and without a single frame of reference. At
last they announced: "The Professors new epistemology is ready"
Together with his staff, the Professor came. The swindlers displayed
their tautologous and just random based arguments as if they were
empirically sound, and said, "These are the assumptions". This is the main
subject, and here is what it all remains predicated on. They were all as
empty as if they were made of strings derived from the new physics! It will
be as if gene centric evolutionary theory was composed of just nothing at
all but that is its special virtue."
"Oh yes," breathed all the others; but they saw nothing, for there was
nothing to be seen.
"Will the Professor of evolutionary theory be so gracious as to remove
refutable organism centric Darwinism from evolutionary theory and replace it
with irrefutable gene centric Neo Darwinism derived form our new
epistemology?" asked the swindlers. "Over there by the big computer, we
shall help you replace the refutable with just the irrefutable."
The Professor did as he was told; and the swindlers acted as if they were
producing a new valid theory of evolutionary science. Finally they replaced
refutable fertile organism centricity with extensive tautologous mathematics
which two of his most noble students were to argue (guess who). The good
Professor stood in front of the big computer like a Pope admiring this
entirely new irrefutable evolutionary theory which remained empirically non
testable. "Oh, how it suits! A perfect fit! "everyone exclaimed. "What
logic! What mathematics. The new theory was magnificent!"
"The crimson canopy, under which the Professor must give his lecture, is
waiting outside," said the dean of the University.
"Well, I am ready. Isn't my new theory based on this new epistemology
becoming?" The Professor turned around once more to view the computer
output, pretending to study how empirically valid it all was.
The two research students of the Professor fumbled with the papers trying
to find any train of just a vaguely testable logic which they were supposed
to argue. They didn't dare admit that they didn't see anything that was not
just self referential, so they pretended to understand the argument they
were expected to defend and held their heads high as if they were carrying
an idea of worth.
The emperor walked in the procession of mortar board hats with dignified
gowns to his crimson canopy. And all the people of the university, who had
lined the leafy walks or were looking down from their lecture theaters ,
said that the emperor's new theory was beautiful. "What a magnificent set of
new arguments! And the logic! How well the Professors mathematics suits his
new theory, even organism fitness altruism can evolve using it". None of
them were willing to admit that they hadn't seen anything rational; for if
anyone did, then he was either stupid or unfit for the job he held. Never
before has such a recent theory become such an instant success.
"But it's just another empty tautology!" wrote a nobody to sbe.
"Listen to the innocent one," said another poster who did not work for
that particular University. And the students whispered among each other and
repeated what had been argued.
"Its just an empty tautology no better than "survival of the fittest some
agreed. There is this crank who keeps on writing to sbe who argues that our
good Professors gene centric theory is just a misused oversimplified model
of fertile organism centric Darwinism. Can an oversimplified theory replace
the theory it was oversimplified from?"
"There is nothing in this new gene centric theory because it is not
relative to anything defined by anybody. It had NO VALID GALILEAN FRAME OF
REFERNCE!" shouted all the students at last.
The Professor shivered, for he was certain that they were right; but he
thought, "I must bear it until I can retire and take my super." And he
walked even more proudly, and the two students went on carrying the train of
argument that wasn't even there...



John Edser
Independent Reseacher

edser@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx



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