Islam's Ruling on Marriage


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Islam's Ruling on Marriage


All of the scholars are in agreement that marriage is something
recommended (mustahabb) and called for in Islam. Some took it to the
level of obligatory (waajib) for those with the ability based on the
Prophet's (sas) statement:

"Whoever has the ability should marry for it is better in lowering the
gaze and guarding one's chastity. Whoever is not able, let him fast
for it is for him a restraint." (Al-Bukhari)

Without doubt, marriage is part of the social agenda of Islam and the
objective it to maximize marriage and to combat "singlehood" as much
as possible. This means that if marriage begins decreasing for
whatever reason such as exhorbitant dowries, economic injustice, etc.
then these evils must be combatted in defense of marriage. If polygamy
is neglected and not done sufficiently, this will create a number of
single women and a situation which requires social effort to correct.
Likewise, if polygamy is done to excess by some individuals, it will
produce an excess of single men another situation which must be
corrected. The raising of children must be done in such a way which
promotes marriage and raises both men and women knowledgeable of their
roles and duties within the family. All of this can be found in
Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to maximize marriage among
us:

{And marry off the single among you and the righteous ones among your
male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrichen them
from His bounties and Allah is expansive, knowing.} An-Nur:32

Benefits of Marriage
Children
The love of Allah is sought in seeking to have children. Allah has
decreed this as the means by which mankind generally and this Ummah
specifically will continue to exist. Allah said:
{Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to
complete their nursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her
food and her clothing in equitable and proper terms. No soul will be
emburdened beyond its ability. No mother may be harmed on account of
her child nor any father by his child and the heir is chargeable in
the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by mutual
agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you
decide on a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you
provided you pay what you offered equitably and properly. And fear
Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you do.} Al-Baqarah:233

The love of Allah's Messenger (sas) is also sought in seeking to have
children because he (sas) said:
"Marry the loving and the fertile for I will outdo the nations with
you[r numbers]. (In another version: "...for I will outdo the
prophets with you[r numbers] on Qiyama.")

With seeking children is also the seeking of the great blessing of a
righteous offspring who makes du'a for you after your death or the
intercession of a child who dies before reaching adulthood.

"When a person dies, his works come to an end (are cut off) except
from three sources: except from an ongoing charity which he
established or knowledge from which benefit is taken or a righteous
offspring who makes du'a for him."

From Abi Saeed (ra) that the women said to the Prophet (sas), "Reserve
for us a day." So he (sas) preached to them and said, "Any woman who
had three children die will find them to be a protection for them from
the fire." One woman asked, "And two?" He (sas) said, "And two [as
well]."

Other Benefits of Marriage
Protecting oneself from Shaitaan by satisfying one's desires and
giving oneself rest and relief from the world by the two spouses
enjoying each other's company.
Division of labor. When one lives alone, much of his time will be
taken up by cooking and tending to his domicle and will not be able to
dedicate time to knowledge and other good deeds. A righteous wife is
an aid to her husband in this regard. She is primarily responsible for
the keeping of the house and children while he is responsible for
supplying their needs. In addition to going out to seek their
sustenance, he should fulfill his duties in the area of da'wah,
enjoining right and forbidding wrong, jihad, etc.
Practice of self-discipline and combatting the nafs training it in
responsibility and custody by fulfilling all obligations toward one's
family, being patient and forbearing with their character and putting
up with their annoyances. In addition to this, the Muslim man must
struggle and strive for their improvement in Islam and guiding them to
the straight path of the deen. He must struggle to earn from the
lawful for their sake and to participate in the raising of the
children on the best of character. These are acts of very high status
and of very high reward from Allah. The Prophet (sas) said:
"Anything you spend on your family will be a source of reward [from
Allah], even a morsel of food which you raise to your wife's mouth."

"A dinar you spent in Allah's path, a dinar you spent in freeing a
slave, a dinar which you gave in charity to a needy person and a dinar
which you spent on your family. The greatest of them in reward is the
one you spent on your family."

Afflictions of Marriage
Marriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful
situations.

The worst of them is failing to seek sustenance from the lawful. If
that becomes difficult, the husband may become tempted to reach his
hand into the haraam.
Falling short with regard to the rights of women and being patient
with their character and their annoyances. In that there is a great
danger because the man is the "shepherd" in the household and is to be
questioned about those under his care. The Prophet (sas) said:
"Verily, woman was created from a rib and she will never stay for you
on a straight way. If you get enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment
while she still has her crookedness but if you insist on straightening
her you will break her. And "breaking" of her is divorce."

All of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The
Imam is a custodian and will be asked about his charges. The man is a
custodian of his family and he will be asked about his charges. The
woman is a custodian of her husband's house and she will be asked
about her charges. The servant is a custodian of his bosses property
and he will be asked about his charges ... So all of your are
custodians and will be asked about your charges. (Al-Bukhari)

For ones family to be a distraction from the remembrance of Allah such
that he spends is days and nights enjoying his family and fails to
make time for his heart to ponder the hereafter and to work for it.
Allah said:
{O you who believe, let not your wealth nor your children divert you
from the remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that are indeed those
in loss.} Al-Munafiqoon:9

Summary: Benefits and Harms
We have now summarized the possible harms and benefits in marriage.
So, the ruling regarding marriage for each and every individual - as
to which is better for him, marriage or staying single - is measured
against these harms and benefits. Each seeker of Allah should measure
himself against these factors and conditions. If none of the harmful
issues are present and the benefits are all apparent such that he
possesses [sufficient] wealth and good character, is a young person
with a need for companionship, then there is no doubt that marriage is
prefereable and must be sought. On the other hand, if many of the
harms are suspected or feared and not all the benefits will occur in
any case, then staying single may be preferable for a particular
individual.

Considerations in Choosing a Wife
Her religion. This is by far the most important consideration and
above all others. If she does not have good Islam, she will corrupt
her husband. The Prophet (sas) said:
"Women are married for four: her wealth, her family, her beauty and
her religion. So succeed with the one with religion, may your hands be
in the dust (i.e., may you be impoverished if you ignore this
warning).

Character. Bad character is harmful to the individual and those around
them.
Beauty. This is something desireable, even if it ranks after religion
in importance, because it is one of the things which makes the
marriage strong and protects the man from wrongdoing. For this
reason, the Prophet (sas) ordered men seeking marriage to get a look
at the woman before marrying her. Some people used to refuse to
consider this nor intend it. It is reported that Imam Ahmad chose a
cross-eyed woman over her sister. But this is rare and human nature is
at odds with it.
From Al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba that he sought to marry a woman and the
Prophet (sas) said to him: "Look at her for it is more assuring that
it should last between you."

An easy (smaller) dowry. Said ibn Al-Musayyib married his daughter for
two dirhams (about $2.00). The Prophet's (sas) dowries were generally
much larger than that and there are no specific limits put on the
dowry other than that they should be reasonable and not represent an
undue obstacle to marriage.
From Umm Habiba that she was under Ubaidullah ibn Jahsh when he went
to Ethiopia ... and he died [there]. Allah's Messenger (sas) married
Umm Habiba while she was in Ethiopia. An-Najashi married her to him
and her dowry was four thousand and he gave her provision from his
wealth and sent her to Allah's Messenger (sas) with Sharhabeel ibn
Hasana and all of her provision was from An-Najashi, Allah's Messenger
did not send anything to her. And the dowries of the wives of the
Prophet (sas) were four hundred dirhams.
Umar ibn Al-Khattab said: Do not become excessive in the dowries of
women for if it (i.e., high dowries) were an honor in this life or
piety with Allah, the Messenger of Allah (sas) would have been the
first of you to do it. But I never knew Allah's Messenger (sas) to
have married anyone of his wives nor to have married any of his (sas)
daughters for more than 12 ounces of gold. Abu Isa (i.e., At-
Tirmidhi) said, This is a good, sound hadith ... and the "ounce" is
known by the scholars to equal 40 dirhams, so 12 ounces is equal to
480 dirhams.

Just as excessive dowries are disliked from the wife's side, it is
equally disliked for the man to inquire about her wealth. Ath-Thawri
said: "If a man is marrying and he asks, "What does she have?", know
that he is a thief."

Virginity. Because the Lawgiver encouraged that and human nature
favors it. This is because she will love her husband more and feel
closer to him than a previously married woman. Human nature is
inclined toward closeness to the first object of love or familiarity.
It is also more favorable to his love for her because there is
something which repels one from she who has been touched by others.
Fertility. Thas she be capable of bearing children. The Prophet (sas)
said:
"Marry the friendly and fertile, for I will compete with the other
nations with your large numbers."
Family. She should be from a family of good religion and character.
That she be not too closely related to her husband. Umar ibn Al-
Khattab is reported to have said:
"Marry afar and do not become sickly."

As we saw in the hadith, it is desireable for the man to look at the
woman before marrying her. Also, the guardian of the woman should
investigate the religion of the suitor, his character and his
conditions for if he marries her to a man of corrupt character or of
innovation in his deen, he will have transgressed against her and
against himself.

A man said to Al-Hassan Al-Basriy: "To whom should I marry my
daughter?" Al-Hassan said, "To one who fears Allah for if he comes to
love her, he will honor her and if he dislikes her he will not oppress
her."

A Look at the Obligations upon the Husband and Those Upon the Wife
As for the man, he must maintain justice and good character in twelve
issues.

Al-Waleema. The marriage celebration/feast. This is a strong sunnah
and something desireable in Islam.
Good character with his wife and patience with her irritations due to
her weaknesses. The Prophet (sas) said:
Take care with regard to women. Verily, the woman was created from a
rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the top. So, if you insist
on straightening it you will only break it and if you leave it, it
will remain crooked. So take care with regard to women.

From Ibn Abbas who said, "I wanted for a long time to ask Umar
regarding the two wives of the Prophet (sas) about whom Allah said {If
you [two] repent to Allah, your hearts are indeed so inclined...}" ...
he said,"They are Hafsa and Aisha", then he told the stories saying:
"We people of Quraish were a people who controlled our women. But when
we came to Al-Madinah we found a people controlled by their women. Our
wives began to learn from them. One day I bacame angry with my wife
and she begain arguing with me. I criticized her for this arguing of
hers and she said, Do you condemn me for arguing with you? For by
Allah the wives of the Prophet (sas) argue with him and one of them
may boycott him (sas) the whole day until the night. So I set out and
went to Hafsa's house and said to her, "Is it true that you argue with
Allah's Messenger (sas)?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Is it true that
one of you may boycott him for the whole day until the night?" She
said, "Yes." I said, "She is surely in shame who does that among you
and in loss. Does one of you feel safe from Allah's anger upon her for
the anger of His Messenger. What if she were to die [in that state]?
Do not argue with Allah's Messenger (sas) and do not ask him for
anything. Rather, ask me for anything that occurs to you and do not be
misled by the fact that your neighbor may be more pleasing to and more
loved by Allah's Messenger (sas) than you. (He means Aisha).



To be friendly with one's spouse including playing around with them
and joking with them. Allah's Messenger (sas) had a foot-race with
Aisha on more than one occasion and he used to joke with his wives.
He said to Jabir upon hearing that he had married a mature woman
(because he had been left with nine sisters as orphans):
"... Choose a [young] virgin that she may play with you and you with
her..."

That the husband be moderate in such matters avoiding both being stern
and unfriendly but also avoiding being so "loose" as to fall short in
his obligations as head and leader of the family or to lose respect as
such.
Moderation with regard to jealousy such that he does not become
unmindful of basic principles and the dangers of temptation but also
not to go to extremes in suspicion and thinking evil of his mate.
"If you stay away for an extended period, do not return to your family
at night."

Moderation with regard to expenses and spending on his family. He
should avoid both extremes of israaf (excess) and taqteer
(miserliness).
The husband should study and learn all of the rulings of the Shari'a
having to do with marriage, married life and women's periods. He
should make sure his wife knows all that she needs to know in this
regard and remove any innovations or deviant beliefs or practices that
she may have. He should teach her what she needs to know about her
monthly periods such as that if it ends one rakaat (of time) before
Maghrib that she must make dhuhr and asr and if it ends one rakaat
before fajr that she should pay back maghrib and isha. It is rare for
women to take care of such rulings.
If he has more than one wife, he must do justice between them. The
justice which is required is in nights spent with each and what is
spent on or given to each. Equality with regard to love, affection,
etc. is NOT required of the husband for that is not within his
control. If he is going on a trip and wishes to take one with him, he
can "draw straws" to decide which one.
"Whoever has two wives and favors one of them will come on Qiyama with
half is body twisted (or out of line)."

From Aisha (ra) that the Prophet (sas) used to divide between his
wives and was just between them and he (sas) said: "O Allah, this is
my division in that which I control (or "own") so do not blame me
regarding that which you control and I do not control."

Nushooz (rebellion or turning away). If nushooz originates from the
woman, the husband can reprimand her and require her to return to
obedience. However, he must move slowly and in steps only after being
sure with himself that it is not he himself who has transgressed
bounds and become the cause of her misbehavior. If he is certain of
this, then he should begin with only reminders and good words with
guidance from the Qur'an and the Sunnah. Only if this is of no avail
should he escalate to the other measures such as sleeping separately,
boycotting (no more than three days), etc.
Etiquettes of having children:
Never rejoice at getting a boy or a girl instead of the other one. You
have no way of knowing in which Allah may place the greatest good.
Pronounce the adhan in the babies right ear and the iqama in its left
right after it is born.
Give them a good name. The sunnah is that an individual has only a
single name. The rest of his name consists of his father's name which
may be followed by his grandfather's name and then by the family or
clan name. Nothing but the first name should ever be changed. If the
name has a bad meaning such as "Abdush-Shams" (slave of the sun), it
should be changed, but ONLY if it is the individual's FIRST name. The
Prophet (sas) changed the names of several of the sahaba because of
their negative meanings, but there was never any case where the
father's name was omitted or changed even where it has a completely
reprehensible meaning. Harb ibn Abdush-Shams was one such case. His
name became Abdur-Rahman ibn Abdush-Shams.
Al-Aqeeqah. Sacrifice two lambs for a boy and one lamb for a girl.
Prepare the food and invide the Muslims to eat.
At-Tahneek. Place some mashed date or other sweet item on the roof of
the baby's mouth and moving it around with the finger to stimluate
eating and make du'a for the baby. This is at 7 days, the same time as
the Aqeeqah.
From Asmaa (ra) I became pregnant from Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair. I left
when nearing full term and went to Al-Madinah. After arriving at Quba,
I gave birth there. I brought him to the Prophet (sas) and put him on
his (sas) lap. He (sas) called for some dates, chewed them and then
put them from his (sas) mouth to the baby's mouth. So, the first thing
to enter his stomach was the saliva of Allah's Messenger (sas). Then
he did the tahneek with dates, made du'a for him and asked for
blessings upon him. That was the first baby born in Islam. (i.e., in
Al-Madinah and among the Muhaajireen.)

Circumcision of boys.
Divorce. Divorce is allowed in Islam but not encourage nor to be taken
lightly. Divorce is the sole perogative of the man. If a woman desires
to end the marriage but the man is unwilling to do so, she must resort
to khul'a before the imam or a qadhi. A man should not surprise his
wife with a divorce without any misdeed on her part. It is not allowed
for the woman to force her husband to divorce without any misdeed or
corruption on his part.
From Thaubaan that Allah's Messenger (sas) said: "Any woman who asks
her husband for divorce without any wrongdoing, forbidden to her is
even the scent of Paradise." (This hadith is authentic.)


If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following:
He must divorce her after her period is complete and before they have
been together.
He should pronounce only one divorce and take advantage of the period
of ruj'a during which he can easily reverse his decision.
To be easygoing and generous during the process, as Allah said {... or
separate from them in a goodly manner...}. It is narrated that Al-
Hassan ibn Ali (may Allah be pleased with them both) divorced his wife
and sent ten thousand dirhams to her. Upon receiving them, she said,
"A small provision from a departing lover."
Do not disclose any of her secrets to anyone else.
"Among the most evil people before Allah on Qiyama is a man who shares
intimacy with his wife and she with him and then he exposes her
secrets."



It is reported from some of the early generations that a man wanted to
divorce his wife. It was said to him: "What is the problem with her?"
He said, "An intelligent man does not violate secrets." After he had
divorced her, they asked him, "Why did you divorce her?" He answered,
"What business have I with another's woman?".

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