OT: A Letter To President Bush (political satire)

From: Rich Grise (rich_at_example.net)
Date: 12/18/04 

Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 06:05:54 GMT

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and
support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said,
"in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try
to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries
to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: 27.
How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have
studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in
such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
----------------------

Cheers!
Rich

Relevant Pages

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    ... Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. ... 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... ... A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an ... even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. ...
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    ... Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. ... 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... ... A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an ... even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. ...
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  • gods law according to bush.
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    ... Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. ... 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... ... A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an ... even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. ...
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