Re: OT: A Letter To President Bush (political satire)

From: Rolavine (rolavine_at_aol.com)
Date: 12/18/04 

Date: 18 Dec 2004 06:48:52 GMT

>Subject: OT: A Letter To President Bush (political satire)
>From: Rich Grise rich@example.net
>Date: 12/17/04 10:05 PM Pacific Standard Time
>Message-id: <pan.2004.12.18.05.17.51.226458@example.net>
>
>Dear President Bush,
>
>Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
>learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and
>support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said,
>"in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try
>to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries
>to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
>Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.
>
>I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
>of God's Laws and how to follow them.
>
>1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
>provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
>claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
>Why can't I own Canadians?
>
>2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
>21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
>
>3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
>period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
>tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
>
>4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
>pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors.
>They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
>
>5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
>35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
>to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
>
>6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
>abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
>I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
>
>7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
>defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
>vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
>
>8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
>around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: 27.
>How should they die?
>
>9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
>me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
>
>10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
>crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
>different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
>and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
>of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
>we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
>people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have
>studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in
>such matters, so I am confident you can help.
>
>Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
>unchanging.
>----------------------
If my memory is in tack, Leviticus says some thing like 'a man should not lay
with a man as he would with a women'. It says nothing about women laying with
women?

Levitius was created by my fellow tribe members and they are a sly lot destined
to be lawyers, lobbyists, bureaucrats, wonks, and sports nuts.

Rocky

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