Fireside Chat with THE PRESIDENT...

From: Ed Conrad (edconrad_at_verizon.net)
Date: 08/05/04 

Date: Thu, 05 Aug 2004 00:26:23 GMT

>
>
Today we continue with our delightful
new series," "Ask Your Next President
a Question." It will be sort of like
a fireside chat -- you sitting on the
lap of Curtis R. Greenwald, independent
candidate for President of the United
States:
>
> =====================================
>
>Today's Question:
Mr. Greenwald, we already know you're smart
as a whip. Please tell us some offbeat things we
voters would really like to know.
>
Hmmm! Okay. Let me give it some thought...
>
Ready?
>
Yep!
>
Butterflies taste with their feet.
>
WHAT?
>
Yep! Butterflies taste with their feet.
>
I didn't know that.
>
I knew you wouldn't... And I've brought along a few pictures...
<
> http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/anibutterflies.gif>
>
Tell us more, Mr. President. Tell us MORE!
>
Well, a duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
>
<http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/duckquack.jpg>
>
You're amazing, Mr. President.
>
Yes, indeed I am... And here's more...
>
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than
all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
>
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint
pens every year.
>
On average people fear spiders more than they do
death.
< http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/spider.gif
>
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently
arrived immigrants.
>
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal
ads for dating are already married.
>
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
< http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/elephant1.gif
>
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or
older.
>
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
>
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
<http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/womanblinking.gif
>
The main library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every
year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into
account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
>
A snail can sleep for three years.
   <http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/snail.gif>
>
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH".
>
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
<http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/baseball.gif
>
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our
nose and ears never stop growing.
>
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
<
I can't beleive you're that smart. Mr. President.
>
Indeed, I am. Now let me continue...
>
All polar bears are left handed.
<http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/polarbears.jpg
>
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from
their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
>
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
>
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using
the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
< http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/typewriter.gif
>
"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.
>
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be
39-23-33. And she'd stand seven feet, two inches tall.
>
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
   <http://lolfun.com/funpages/weird_facts/croc.gif
>
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
>
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
>
Mr. President, PLEASE stop already. You're SO smart,
none of those other candidates has a snowball's chance.
not even President Bush.
>
>
>(Paid for by the God Bless You, Mr. Greenwald Committee.)
>
>Ed Conrad, Chairman
>>
(The God Bless You, Mr. Greenwald Committee
acknowledges donations toward today's segment
of "Fireside Chat" from the Bic Ballpoint Pen Co.,
the New York City Cab Drivers' Union, Major League
Basebal, Papa John's Pizza and The Ostrich Family.
>
>
(Political contributions can be sent
in cash, personal check, Money Order
or via Paypal. Please do not even dare
request a receipt.)

>
>
On Tue, 21 Oct 2003 11:55:15 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
<edconrad@verizon.net> wrote:

>>
>On Mon, 20 Oct 2003 12:05:11 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
><edconrad@verizon.net> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Today we continue with our delightful
>>>new series," "Ask Your Next President
>>>a Question." It will be sort of like
>>>a fireside chat -- you sitting on the
>>>lap of Curtis R. Greenwald, independent
>>>candidate for President of the United
>>>States:
>>>>
>>>>=====================================
>>>>
>>Today's Question:
>>
>Mr. Greenwald, we have a question from Pennsylvania:
>Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
>>
>My fellow Americans, this isn't as easy as it sounds.
>I'd rather you asked how I'd straighen out the wobbly
>economy, throw darts in the myth of the Big Bang, or
>give you the lowdown on what really happened near
>Rosewell, N.M.
>>
>Let's start with a few basic facts: The chicken couldn't
>have come before the egg because there wouldn't have been
>a chicken to lay the egg that made that chicken. I hope
>everyone agrees so far.
>
>On the other hand, the egg couldn't have come first, before
>the chicken, because -- as even General Schwarznegger knows --
>there wasn't a chicken to have laid the egg to have made
>the chicken, eliminating even the the remotest possibility
>that the chicken in question hatched from an egg.
>
>If a chicken, however, *didn't* lay that egg -- not necessarily
>the chicken in question, but even a different chicken (even
>though the rules say there was *no* chicken around to lay an egg
>to make that chicken), there's a problem because we all know
>without an egg there can be no chicken since chickens DO hatch
>from eggs after coming from chickens. I remember that basic fact
>from my boyhood days when I used to read "Chicken Little."
>
>Now let's examine the chicken. Since there was NO egg from which
>it would have hatched to eventually become a chicken, it
>couldn't have become a chicken without first being an egg.
>But, the fact is, the egg in the theoretical question is still
>an egg and would need some time to hatch to eventually become
>a chicken.
>
>>"You're pretty heavy, Sonny. Can you shift to my other knee. Thanks!"
>
>Let's not make this too complicated, so let me simplify it.
>Say there was a chicken that DID lay an egg that became
>a chicken after hatching from an egg. However, the evidence
>clearly indicates that there had been no chicken around to lay
>an egg from which the chicken had hatched to lay more eggs
>to hatch more eggs to create more chickens.
>
>The problem is compounded by the undeniable fact that the
>chicken in question, which under normal circumstances would
>lay an egg, *did not* lay this particular egg -- the egg
>in question -- since the egg couldn't have been laid by that
>chicken (the chicken in question), unless of course the chicken
>had been around longer than the egg, but there apparently was
>no chicken around to have laid an egg that made this particular
>chicken.
>>
>It stands to reason, then, that, since the chicken in the
>question did not lay the egg in the question or, taking it
>from the egg's perspective -- the egg in the question wasn't
>laid by the chicken, there is no one, not even General
>Schwarzenegger, who can tell us what happened BEFORE both
>the chicken and the egg arrived to present this perplexing
>question -- or, to put it another way, before BEFORE both
>the egg and the chicken -- which sort of reminds me of what
>they used to say during The Great Depression: "A chicken
>in the pot is worth two in the bush."
>>
>>I hope I've made myself perfectly clear.
>>
>You did, Mr. Greenwald, and you're SO smart.
>You're just what this country needs. I'm sure Americans
>everywhere will remember you on Election Day.
>>>>
>>(Curtis R. Greenwald, as everyone knows.
>>is the founder, president and chief
>>executive officer of Bots-R-Us, what
>>used to be a teeny-weeny company in
>>Walla Walla, WASHINGTON, that suppies
>>Internet bots to keep pseudoscience
>>alive and well in the news groups.>
>>>
>>(You'll notice that Mr. Greenwald did
>>not mention his vast experience in
>>WASHINGTON. This only goes to show
>>that he eats humble pie.)
>>>>
>>(This delightful series will appear
>>every Monday, Friday and Tuesday but,
>>because one was rained out, it is appearing
>>every Tuesday, Sunday and Thursday. However,
>>since Monday's "Fireside Chat" by Mr. Greenwald
>>appeared last Thursday and Tuesday's
>>appeared on Monday, this actually is Sunday's
>>segement that won't appear on Sunday since
>>it appears today.)
>>><
>>>> ====================================
>>>>
>>(Paid for by the God Bless You, Mr.
>>Greenwald Committee.)
>>>>
>>Ed Conrad, Chairman
>>
>(The God Bless You, Mr. Greenwald Committee
>acknowledges donations toward today's segement
>of "Fireside Chat" "from Colonel Sanders'
>Chicken-Lickin' Good and Campbell's Soup
>Kitchen, Camden, N.J.)
>>
>>>>
>>(Political contributions can be sent
>>in cash, personal check, Money Order
>>or via Paypal. Please do not even dare
>>request a receipt.)
>>>>
>(Please note we've begun having some problems
>with you-know-who. Henceforth, all further
>donations should be in cash, preferably in
>small unmarked bills.)
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>> Psst! Don't leave yet. Down here \/.
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>================================================
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>> ANOTHER THING YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW
>> Man (and Ladies) as Old as Coal
>
>> ===============================================
><
>> Petrified Bones, Teeth and Soft Organs
>> (Some Human) Found Between Coal Veins
>>
>><==================================================
>>>
>>> OLDEST HUMAN SKULL EVER FOUND
>>
>>> http://www.edconrad.com/images/z11calv.jpg
>>> http://www.edconrad.com/images/krogwskull.jpg
>>>
>>Wilton Krogman, one of the world's foremost experts
>>on human anatomy, holds what he had identified as
>>a petrified human calvarium, a skull with the eye
>>sockets broken off, that was discovered between
>>Pennsylvania's anthracite veins. He is shown at his
>>desk at the Cooper Clinic in Lancaster, Pa., where
>>moments later he beckoned a colleague -- a medical
>>doctor -- to examine "the oldest human skull ever
>>found."
>><
>>A CATscan was performed on this specimen with
>>favorable results.
>><
>>> http://www.edconrad.com/images/catcalv.jpg
>><
>>Meanwhile, Haversian canals were identified in the
>>cell structue, the tell-tale sign of bone. And dried
>>blood was found on the specimen during testing at
>>American Medical Laboratories in Chantilly, Va.
>><
>>This is the official report from AML which had
>>erformed Calculus Analysis by Crystallography.
>>The final report, dated April 21, 2000, was issued
>>by Dr. Nathan Sherman, director of laboratories.
>>
>>> "The specimen consists of 1 irregularly
>>> shaped, brown calculus weighing less
>>> than 0.0010 grams and measuring 1X1X0.5
>>> mm. No nidus is observed. The calculi
>>> indicates a composition of dried blood
>>> intermingled with a few small crystals
>>> resembling calcium oxalate dihydrate."
>>>
>>> http://www.edconrad.com/images/z12calv.jpg
>>>
>>> http://www.edconrad.com/images/z13cav.jpg
>>>
>>=============================================
>>>
>>> OTHER PETRIFIED BONES, TEETH AND
>>> SOFT ORGANS FOUND BETWEEN COAL VEINS
>><
>>>Here's a petrified human femur still embedded in slate.
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/z8femur.jpg
>>><
>>>Here's a petrified human finger, with fingernail:
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-008S.JPG
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/FINGER/MVC-011S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's a petrified human toe (with toe nail), found only
>>>10-15 feet from the petrified finger.
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-017S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here are the petrified human finger and the petrified human
>>>toe shown together.
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Au29/MVC-016S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's the specimen that Krogman identified as a tibia.
>>>It contains Haversian canals, proof of bone, and dried
>>>blood was found on it >>during American Medical Laboratory
>>>testing. This is the specimen >>that was fraudulently
>>>tested by Andrew MacRae (who produced microscopic photos
>>>of the cell structure of a rock on the false pretense
>>>that he was showing the cell structure of this specimen).
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/newtibia.jpg
><
>>>Here are two photos of the internal surface of bone
>>>and the petrified tibia under 2,000X magnification.
>>The first shows what the internal surface of cadaver
>>>bone looks like, the second offers a view of the internal
>>>surace of the specimen that Krogman had identified as
>>>a portion of a petrified tibia.
>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/oldascoal/more.htm
>>><
>>>This is the boulder containing the complete human skull.
>>>Testing has confirmed the presence of Haversian canals
>>>and American Medical Laboratories discovered it contains
>>>dried blood.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/skullb.jpg
>>><
>>>Here's a petrified human mandible (frontal).
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Newpix5/MVC-002S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's a portion of a human mandible (side).
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Bones/MVC-006S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's a giant petrified tooth.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/1tooth.jpg
>>><
>>>Here's a petrified dinosaur foot still embedded in slate.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Newpix3/z3dino.jpg
>>><
>>>Here's a petrified fetus of some large animal.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Petrified/MVC-013F.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's another petrified fetus, still embedded in slate.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Day/MVC-005S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here are several views of portion of a giant prehistoric
>>>scorpion identified as such by Krogman.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-001S.JPG
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-010S.JPG
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Scorpion/MVC-020S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here's a photo of the same portion of a petrified giant
>>>scorpion -- found 22 years ago -- alongside one found just
>>>weeks ago.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/SCORPIONS/MVC-039S.JPG
>>><
>>>Here are two views of a piece of wood that appears to have
>>>been handcarved for use as a tool or a weapon.
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Tool/MVC-003S.JPG
>>>>> http://www.edconrad.com/ebay/Tool/MVC-005S.JPG
>><
>=================================================
>>
>>
>> d Conrad
>> http://www.edconrad.com
>