Re: On vs. Kun reading?

From: Sean Holland (seanholland_at_pants.telus.net)
Date: 06/10/04 

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 00:30:59 GMT

in article U%Ixc.82358$1x3.35164@newssvr25.news.prodigy.com, necoandjeff at
spam@schrepfer.com wrote on 6/9/04 11:52 AM:

>
> First, nobody takes moushiwake arimasen to literally mean that the person
> has no reason for their transgression (i.e. your assertion that they just
> don't give a damn.) The problem of course is cultural. Japanese wouldn't
> take the phrase literally but someone reading a translation might, which
> leads one to question the wisdom of literally translating moushiwake nai
> into "I have no excuse."
>
> Anyway, I have always admired this habit of Japanese and I wish we did more
> of it here in the U.S. Any attempt to give an excuse is solely for the
> purpose of justifying yourself or preventing yourself from looking bad. Not
> providing an excuse is to not provide the person to whom you are apologizing
> (who half the time probably could not care less what the reason is) any
> justification for not placing the blame squarely on you. It is
> self-sacrificing to not offer an excuse and it means that you are accepting
> 100% of the responsibility for the mishap and/or the wrath of the person you
> have offended. The worst thing about so many people in the U.S. is, not only
> do we have a tendency to minimize the apologize itself in favor of finding a
> zillion reasons that justify our behavior, half the time people feel that,
> because there is an excuse (i.e. it's not my fault) there isn't even a need
> to apologize in the first place. I think the quickest way to disarm someone
> who is upset with you is to simply apologize without providing an excuse.
> The easiest way to string out their anger is to offer them a barrage of
> excuses.

My experience in Japan was that if one was willing to take 100% of the
blame, with no wriggling, one could generally count on 100% forgiveness
after a decent amount of scolding. Once the apology-scolding-forgiveness
cycle was complete, the matter was done. Totally done. As opposed to the
North American boss's habit of pretending to forgive, only to bring the
whole matter up again a few years down the road. If one could count on the
apology being sincerely accepted, one would be more willing to offer it. 

---
pantsseanholland@telus.pants.net Remove pants to email me.

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