Re: "Roku-u no Kanzanji"

John J. Chew III wrote:
> In article <d31a96$i8u$1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> ,
> B. Ito <jg2cme@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>>[...]
>>Shigure ni kure-yuku, Ah, Kanzanji
>
>
>>The raini_ng night i_s grow_ing, / * here in Kanzanji.
>
>
> I don't think "raining night is growing" works. Maybe "night and
> rain are falling".

I once learned a term for that kind of word-play; I think it had a "chi"
in it.

B. was probably trying to come up with something like "the rainy night
is deepening." My personal preferences are for trying to get as close
to a literal "The day ends in wintry rain" as possible, but one needs to
know the melody to even make a serious attempt.

>>Ukabu kobune ga naite iru
>
>
>>* The little boa_t / down on the la_ke / * loo__ks floa_ting sa_d.
>
>
> "Looks floating sad" is incorrect. Maybe you could change the sense
> slightly and say "The little boats on the lake are swimming in tears".
> It's just supposed to be a poetic image, and "swimming in tears" is
> at least an evocative idiom.

I wonder why 浮かぶ小舟 doesn't sound as silly as "(the) floating
boats." Probably John's treatment is right, but does it contrast with
the "dragged-up-on-shore 小舟?" (I.e., what other kinds of 小舟 are
there aside from 浮かぶ ones?)

But if the boats are supposed to be seen as floating in their own tears,
that is wa-a-ay too evocative for me.

Bart

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: "Roku-u no Kanzanji"
    ... My personal preferences are for trying to get as close to a literal "The day ends in wintry rain" as possible, but one needs to know the melody to even make a serious attempt. ... slightly and say "The little boats on the lake are swimming in tears". ... It's just supposed to be a poetic image, and "swimming in tears" is at least an evocative idiom. ...
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