Re: "Kouya Ruten" - Song Translation - Full Version


"Phil Yff" <phil.yff@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:gi49dpmhcgp2$.1r42dja1ynxkw.dlg@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Thu, 7 Dec 2006 03:07:03 +0900, B. Ito wrote:


the title as "Wasteland Vicissitudes". You can listen to a promotional
video of the full length song at the below URL.

http://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/fj_yuuka/

Kouya Ruten (荒野流転) Wasteland Vicissitudes

月影凍る大地を
転がり踏み分けて行く
滅びと再生の時代が始まる

自由を重く掲げて

Across this earth the moonlight has frozen,
Stumbling, I proceed beating a path
As the age of ruin and rebirth begins.

Hoisting the weighty banner of freedom,

Tsukikage kooru daichi wo
Korogari humiwakete yuku
Horobi to saisei no jidai ga hajimaru

Jiyuu wo omoku kakagete
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Aren't these all wonderful?
I could read very smoothly all your translations comparing
with the Japanese lines.

You must have spent very much time interpreting all these
Japanese with tough phrases.

If I am forced to point out one line I'll pick up the 4th line.

Hoisting the weighty banner of freedom,

If the banner is hoisted, doesn't it stay there?
Don't you have to proceed in the dark upholding the
important banner of freedom?

The fourth line was one of the difficult lines to translate. The meaning
in Japanese is fairly straightforward, but it is difficult to translate
directly into English.

掲げる is most often used to describe flying or hoisting a flag (or banner).
However, it does not have to refer to a flag or banner. One can easily
say, 自由を掲げる. That is easy to translate into English. "Hold up freedom"
implying holding up freedom as an ideal. The problem comes with the
modifier - 重く. Again, this is a simple word that can easily be translated
into English as "heavily", or "seriously". However, one cannnot combine
"Hold up freedom" with the modifier "heavily" as one can in Japanese.

I thought 重く was an important descriptor and I should not leave it out. It
reinforces the struggle the singer has stumbling beating the path. I chose
to solve the problem by using the metaphor of hoisting the banner of
freedom. This is consistent with one of the connotations of 掲げる. However,
as you rightly point out, once I move from the literal translation of
"holding up freedom" to the metaphorical substitution of "hoisting up the
banner of freedom" I lose some if not all of the meaning of continuing to
hold up freedom as a weighty ideal.

I am open to suggestions. I had considered "Bearing the weighty banner of
freedom" as a possible alternative. However, that ignores much of the
meaning and connotation of 掲げる. "Flying the weighty banner of freedom" or
"Unfurling the weighty banner of freedom" are two other alternatives with
advantages and disadvantages over the alternative I chose. I could say,
"Holding up freedom as a weighty ideal," but that sounds clumsy and loses
the poetic sound of the Japanese.

Phil Yff
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How about;

"With a mental big banner of freedom,"
"With a backing of big banner of freedom,"
"Backed up by a great banner of freedom,"

I think "Hoisting ......" may sound immobile (stationary) and that
"Holding (up)......." sounds mobile like "Holding (up) something to
do some other thing."

----------------------------------
B. Ito

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