Re: "Kouya Ruten" - Song Translation - Full Version


"Phil Yff" <phil.yff@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:y5p5fav4apa.1qyt5tzecsbyk.dlg@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Sat, 9 Dec 2006 13:08:20 +0900, B. Ito wrote:

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Sorry, the "Holding up the weighty banner of freedom" is very hard
to sing, I think.

"Holding up high the banner of freedom." could be possibly sung
instead, I think.

I just tried humming and the second paragraph seem to be possibly
sung as follows:

"Holding up high the banner of free_dom

Where there’s no pa_th, I choo_se a_ pa__th
And pass through a radiant sinking sun brighter than high noon"



The word "radiant" sounds a little redundant.

How about "shining" which may be a little time saving by one mora.



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B. Ito



　　　　　　　　　 Shining?
I think.

The main issue for both these cases is the nuance. In the first case,
'holding up high' implies strength and vigor. Yet, the singer is stumbling
and appears to labor while beating a path. I haven't thought of a good
solution though.

The second issue is also complicated. The song says:

真昼より眩しい日没を越えて

Literally this is, "Passing through a more dazzling than mid-day setting
sun."

Of course, that is not idiomatic English. The very compact Japanese
construction is able to give the sense that both the mid-day and the
setting sun are bright.

The English grammatical equivalent is a relative clause - a setting sun
that is more radiant than mid-day. However, the setting sun now loses the
direct modifier that is there in the Japanese thus considerably weakening
the image.

Furthermore, the relative clause, itself, does not sound as emphatic as the
Japanese. My solution was to use two modifiers, one for mid-day and one
for the setting sun. I also felt that high noon was better in this context
than mid-day and sinking sun better conveyed the sense of nichibotsu than
setting sun.

And pass through a radiant sinking sun brighter than high noon.

Out of many alternatives, I chose to translate mabushii as radiant because
it seemed to allow the metaphor to work best. It seemed to me that radiant
was the word that allowed the listeners to visualize for themselves the
nature of the brightness. Words like 'shining', 'dazzling', 'glaring',
'blinding', etc. - all valid translations of mabushii - carry with them
connotations that affect the metaphor. Shining, for example, usually has
positive qualities associated with it. However, the song is a song of
struggle so I didn't want to change the context of the Japanese.

I do have a solution, though. It is to sing the word 'radiant' as if it
had two syllables rather than three. In other words, to pronounce it
quickly like 'ray-dyent'.
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"Radiant" is hard but can be sung.
'Ray-dyent' will help very much.

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B. Ito


Phil Yff

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