Re: "Usagi to Kame"


"Phil Yff" <phil.yff@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:16gpxlaboualv$.sd72sc3b338p$.dlg@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Tue, 13 Feb 2007 00:39:09 +0900, B. Ito wrote:

"Phil Yff" <phil.yff@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1vidohbrwgr8u.vxm046y6dx3k.dlg@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Mon, 12 Feb 2007 14:18:06 +0900, B. Ito wrote:

"Phil Yff" <phil.yff@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1epo3vhm4gk50$.1vjp8lsnc4o46$.dlg@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Thu, 8 Feb 2007 00:31:36 +0900, B. Ito wrote:

これは　ねすぎた　しくじった Kore wa nesugita shikujitta
ピョンピョンピョンピョン Pyon-pyon-pyon-pyon
ピョンピョンピョン pyon-pyon-pyon
あんまりおそい　うさぎさん Anmari osoi usagi san
さっきのじまんは　どうしたの Sakki no jiman wa doushita no

“Oh, no. I’_ve slept too_ lo__ng.”
Hop ho_p ho_p ho_p hop ho_p ho_p.
“You’ve reached the goa_l here_ too late.
You shouldn’t be so proud from now on.”

Like the tortoise, I've finally reached the end. Here are my
suggestions
for the fourth verse. I have no complaints with your version. I just
thought I'd provide some alternatives for you to consider. 'Hippety-hop'
is
common in children's songs and nursery rhymes. 'High and mighty' is an
idiomatic phrase used to belittle someone's じまん.

It seems I've overslept. I blew it!
Hippety-hop, hippety-hop...
"You're a little slow, Mr. Rabbit
You don't seem so high and mighty now."

Phil Yff
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I updated the URL's.
Now your URL and mine, both cover 1-4verses at last.

http://bito2.tsukaeru.jp/UsagiToKame395.htm B.Ito's Version

http://bito2.tsukaeru.jp/UsagiToKame395b.htm Phil's Version


Concerning the phrases used in your translations, I think some
modifications or replacements of phrases will make them easier
to sing.

a) > There is nobody (who) walks quite so slow.
There is nobody (who) can walk so slow.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　(quite is quite heavy)

b) > It seems I've overslept. I blew it!
Oh, I've overslept. I blew it!
（Or I noticed now I could sing "It seems I've overslept. I blew
it.")

c) > Hippety-hop, hippety-hop...
Is my pronunciation in my vocal sample correct?
Then, "Hippety-hop, hippety-hot, hippety-hop",
seems to be better.

d) > "You're a little slow, Mr. Rabbit
"Mr. Rabbit" instead of "Mr. Hare",
letting the address imply some mocking
nuance?

Yes, I thought that since usagi can mean rabbit, that we could play a
litte
word game here. Hares are faster than rabbits so, by calling him Mr.
Rabbit at the end, we're drawing attention to his lowered stature.

Phil Yff
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Rabbit. I see. やっぱり！

How is your comments on a,b,c?
As to the c), "It seems I've" part of the ("It seems I've overslept. I
blew it.")
may be a little bit too long.

I think it's perfect. I did not properly gauge the line length (not being
a singer). I thought I'd counted the syllables correctly but the true test
is when you sing it. However, you seem to have made all the right
adjustments. In fact, I think that "Oh I've overslept" not only adjusts
the line length but sounds better than "It seems I've overslept."
Usagi-san is surprised, so it is quite realistic for him to simply exclaim,
"Oh, I've overslept."

Phil Yff
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, I'll renew the URL by another better recording singing:

There is nobody (who) can walk so slow.

Oh, I've overslept. I blew it!

Hippety-ho_p, hippety-ho_p, hipperty-_ho_p.

--------------------------------
B. Ito

.

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