Re: Enka English Version
- From: "B. Ito" <jg2cme@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2008 20:35:50 +0900
"Bart Mathias" <mathias@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:edGdnTVm-tfqZzjVnZ2dnUVZ_trinZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
B. Ito wrote:--------------------------------------------------------------------Some of you know one of the Enkas titled 'Aa Ueno Eki' (Ah, Ueno Station).
I translated the Japanese words into English and my sample vocal in the
following URL.
http://bito2.com/AhUenoStation404.htm
Here are also the details of my English translations.
Would anyone of you be kind enough to see my English and check if there
may be any parts better to be corrected ?
Golly, it's been months, maybe even weeks, since you last posted a song
translation. For old times' sake, I'll mention a couple of the things
that catch my eye/ear.
[...]どこかに故郷の かおりをのせて
[...]
Ca_rrying_ the memorie_s o_f / our ho_me coun_try,
Speaking of "our home country" makes it sound like the speaker is not in
Japan--or else he/she is in Japan, but is a foreigner. You're going to
have to go in the direction of "(back) home" or "home town" or something.
Maybe "loaded with" for "carrying"?
Thank you very much, Bart, for your such quick contribution.
Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to forget your instruction on the preference of 'home town' or
'back home.'
The Olympic Game is still going on. So we are still in time.
I remember well your comment on the early part of my English translations that I
would not be able to get a gold medal.
With your quick corrections this time, I may be able to get, then, a woody medal
(which was made by a recycle-plan of old children's plastic toys), if lucky.
I uploaded a revised one into the same URL as above starting with,
"Loaded with the memories of our home town, ,,,,,,,,,"
http://bito2.com/AhUenoStation404.htm
------------------------------------------------------------------
（セリフ） 「父ちゃん 僕がいなくなったんで
母ちゃんの畑仕事も大変だろうなあ、
今度の休みには必ず帰るから、
そのときは父ちゃんの肩も母ちゃんの肩も
もういやだっていうまで たたいてやるぞ
それまで元気で待っていてくれよな」
(Speach)
"Speech" would be English (in spite of "speak"!). I have an idea that
there may be a special word for this, corresponding to セリフ, but he no
come to mind.
“Dad, I think Mom must be busy on the farm,
‘cause I can’t help her since then.
My guess is that even if "I" could help her, "Mom" would be busy on the
farm--farm women always are, are they not? The absence of "I" just
makes it *extra* tough.
"I can't help her since then" has a sort of tense mismatch, with can't
implying present/future and "since then" alluding to the past. Doesn't
directly translating the Japanese work OK? "Since I'm not longer there"
とか. That would probably sound better ahead of the
Mom-having-a-tough-go comment, though.
Next holidays, I’ll be back home and would like to give pats
to your and Mom’s shoulders to your full satisfaction.
"Next holidays" doesn't work for me, but maybe OK (England? Canada?
Oz?) "(On my) next vacation" doesn't work--it's too far off. "When I
get some time off"?
(Speech)
“Dad, I think Mom must be working all the tougher on the farm,
since I’m no longer there.
When I get a day off, I’ll be back home and would like to give
long massage on your’s and Mom’s shoulders.
So please take care until then.”
----------------
I think "all the more ,,,,,,, because,,,,,,, " and "all the more ,,,,,,, since,,,," are the same.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Giving someone pats on the shoulder is very different from what the
Japanese says. It's something you'd do once, maybe twice, and might
mean "You're OK, I'm with you" among similar things.
If there's no English way to say 肩をたたいてあげる, then you might be
stuck with "massage your's and Mom's shoulders."
That's my contribution for 2008.
Bart
Thank you. I now realised that 'patting on the shoulder(s)' are quite dirrerent
from the Japanese Kata-tataki (shoulder patting).
BTW, you must be familiar with two different kata-tataki in Japanese?
One is a filial kata-tataki.
Another is a business jargon which has much to do with mado-giwa-zoku.
-------------------------------
B. Ito
.
- References:
- Enka English Version
- From: B. Ito
- Re: Enka English Version
- From: Bart Mathias
- Enka English Version
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