Weapons of Math destruction
- From: george ghiata <george_ghiata@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 18 May 2005 21:31:16 EDT
>Subject: Weapons of Math Instruction
>>>At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
>>>discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying
>>>to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
>>>protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
>>>
>>>At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft
>>>said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
>>>al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with
>>>carrying weapons of math instruction.
>>>
>>>"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire
>>>average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off
>>>on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret
>>>code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as
>>>"unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common
>>>denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
>>>country.
>>>
>>>"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
>>>sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
>>>
>>>When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
>>>God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
>>>He would have given us more fingers and toes.
>>>
>>>"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that
>>>it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are
>>>willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky
>>>statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of
>>>influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
>>>circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our
>>>point, and draw the line."
>>>
>>>President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction
>>>have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a
>>>scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a
>>>Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
>>>
>>>Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would
>>>say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty
>>>of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered
>>>as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
>>d.a. biermann
>>production manager
>>The State News, Michigan State U.
.
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