OT: Canadians and Americans

From: tcomeau (tunderbar_at_hotmail.com)
Date: 07/22/04 

Date: 22 Jul 2004 07:50:05 -0700

I just thought we could use some diversion from Robert's anti-Canada
stupidity:

http://www.thetoque.net/030415/coinspiracy.htm

http://www.wedonotliveinigloos.com/section.php?go=canadiantop10

****
The Canadian On The Train

In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular
looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several
minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel,
and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the
tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me
and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn
must have slapped his face."

The fat lady thought "That dirty old American laid his hands on the
blonde and she smacked him."

The American thought "That damn Canadian put his hand on that blonde
and by mistake she slapped me."

The Canadian thought "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can
smack that stupid American again."

*********

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am
going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding
natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain
goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and
trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy
beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with
salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the
inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and
they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous
to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am
going to give them."

*******************

President George W. Bush called Prime Minister Jean Chretien with a
pressing emergency; "Our largest condom factory has exploded," Bush
cried. "My people's favorite source of birth control is in jeopardy!
This is a disaster!"

"George, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der
power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainment! I will get on hit right haway," said Jean.

"Oh, and one small favor, please?" said President George W."

"Oui?" replied Jean.

"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10 inches
long, with a 4 inch diameter?" asked Bush.

"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that Chretien hung
up and called the President of Trojan.

"I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, and
sen'dem to Hamerica."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be rouge, blanc et bleu in
colour, hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia'meter."

"That's easily done Jean. Anything else?"

"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem

MADE IN CANADA, size: SMALL.

***********

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen.

He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if
they're
intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow
me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this
question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman
of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons
Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if
you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child
is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get
back
to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other
senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for
several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in
desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and
explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of! course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I
know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ***, it's Tony Blair!"
*********

TC