Andy, I would like to have a word with you

Hello, Andy, I am the real holy spirit, and we need to talk. First, that
'holy spirit' you've been getting your messages from is a fake. He's
actually a sockpuppet of satan's, so all along you've just been furthering
the 'evil one's' agenda.

In any case, I'm getting tired of your using my name to further your
personal vendettas. If, for example, you wanna argue with other people about
your goofy diet, fine, but don't bring me into it. Frankly, I really don't
give a rat's ass about your diet. In fact, I like to eat a big meal at a
nice steakhouse now and than, and I don't need a smug little know-it-all
giving me a hard time about it.

I also don't like your continuously invoking Bob's death as a poorly veiled
threat to try to scare people to think they'll also die a premature death if
they make you mad. First, nobody buys it. But more importantly, you should
let the man rest in peace. Stop constantly dancing on his
grave and feigning that you cared for him when you were really pissed at him
for standing up to you.

I'm just scratching the surface here. You've been a very bad boy, Andy, but
I realize you're a little 'touched' so I'm probably not going to go too hard
on you -- even though you've unilaterally 'condemned' so many others to
eternal damnation at the drop of a hat. You really ought to ease up a
little, accept that maybe you don't know it all, and get some psychological
help. After all, it's really hard being human and it's OK to have a little
doubt, even about my existence.


.