Keeping Bob's Memory Alive.

From: Glen A. RITCHIE (Not_So_Wonderful_Spam_at_Despammified.com)
Date: 02/23/05 

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 17:28:47 -0500

Hello all,

Today - Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005 - would've been the 72nd birthday of
my long-time friend, Bob.

I recently learned of the loss of my long-time friend, Bob, to cicatricial
pemphigoid (a rare disease of the mucous membranes).

I can't honestly sum up in only a matter of words or phrases the kind of man
Bob was, or the deeply personal friendship we had over the course of 14
years.

A lot of memories just seem to spontaneously spring up through an
association with him, whether it be an expression or a joke, a song or a TV
show, a cat or a plant (since he loved pets and gardening), a gift or a
restaurant.

We used to talk about anything and everything, and go everywhere and
nowhere, together.

I also know that he truly loved his family, and that he would drop
everything to be with them or to do things for them.

And photographs of Bob's children and grandchildren, proudly displayed on
the walls of his apartment, met the eyes of every visitor.

I'm surrounded by the good memories and good times we had together.

This would normally be comforting if it were not so distressing to realise
that I will never be able to spend time with him again, as Bob is now gone
from this life forever.

I deeply regret that I didn't maintain direct contact with him over the past
year of his life.

This makes his loss all the more difficult to bear, because I didn't even
know that he had become so seriously ill, and consequently I didn't get a
chance to visit him or to take care of him like he did for me when I was
sick, let alone to say goodbye.

As well, since no one in my family receives The Ottawa Citizen, no one saw
his obituary and hence I wasn't informed that he had passed away.

It was my understanding that Bob was given eight months to live after
Christmas 2003.

This would seem to fit, as his replies to my greeting cards for Christmas
2003 and for his birthday in February 2004 were terse, as though he was
pushing me away.

I can completely understand his reasons for not wanting to let me know he
was sick.

After all, he was the type of man who preferred to be needed than to be
needy.

Additionally, he had developed diabetes and high-blood pressure, secondary
to cicatricial pemphigoid, and it's possible the intense emotions of a final
farewell might've affected his health adversely.

I learned of Bob's passing the night before I moved, October 14th, 2004.

I had been attempting to reach Bob by e-mail and phone, and I found it
strange that my e-mails hadn't been received and that his line had been
disconnected.

Although I still had some last-minute details to take care of the night
before I moved, I decided to investigate the situation, as I knew it would
plague my mind not knowing as much as knowing.

So, I decided to get into my car and drive out to Bob's place.

When I arrived there shortly after 21:00, I couldn't help but notice that
the lights were all out in his basement apartment, and a tree that had been
cut down was obstructing the path to his door.

This is when I knew something was terribly wrong, because Bob used to go to
bed every night at 22:30 after watching "Seinfeld", and I couldn't see him
letting a fallen tree lie in the way of his apartment for very long.

With a great sense of dread, I knocked on the door to his son Kevin and
daughter-in-law April's place (Bob lived in the basement apartment of their
triplex), as it didn't seem that the doorbell to Bob's apartment was
connected.

Kevin informed me at the door that Bob had passed away on July 28th, 2004,
and he invited me in because it was obvious that I was (and still am) in
such a state of shock.

I didn't get any sleep whatsoever that night or much the following nights,
as this was the worst news that I ever could have possibly received.

I've lost relatives and friends before, yet none of these losses has ever
had the same devastating impact as this.

At the very least, I was hoping to share the good news of my move with Bob.

Now I'll never have that chance.

Bob survived many tragedies in his life, such as the loss of both his
parents when he was barely into his teens, the loss of his nephew and family
home in a fire, as well as the loss of his son David in a motorcycle
accident; and like so many other things about him, I just took it for
granted that somehow he'd always be around.

In this age of euthanasia, Bob was exceptionally courageous to continue
facing each new day, despite the fact that he fully knew he would be
suffering from a constellation of serious medical conditions, which would
ultimately result in his mortality.

I can't even begin to imagine how extremely difficult it was for Kevin and
April to see his health deteriorate before their very eyes, and to act as
Nurses to Bob with his various afflictions for months, when most people
their age would simply spare themselves the 'inconvenience' and put him in a
hospice.

This action in itself shows what kind of man Bob was, and at the same time
shows what kind of people his son and daughter-in-law are, ensuring that he
received the personal care he needed by none other than the very ones he
loved, right till the end.

No one else I've met before or since has been as generous, hospitable or
loyal as Bob was.

He helped me in so many ways, and I learned so many things from him.

Needless to say, I miss him dearly; he was without a doubt the best friend
I've ever had.

I would give anything in the world to have Bob back, alive and well; to see
him, talk with him, and to be with him, even just to watch TV.

Above all else, I want to keep his memory alive, yet respect his wishes at
the same time.

In this regard, his family has requested that friends honour Bob's memory
through a fund dedicated in his name.

Although this fund is designed to further general cancer research, the donor
can have their contribution designated specifically for cicatricial
pemphigoid, since no work is presently being done on this disease in Ottawa
(according to Dr. Michael MCBURNEY of the Ottawa Regional Cancer Centre).

This is a wonderful way to both honour a loved one and to help fight this
terrible disease.

No one else should ever again have to suffer from this disease as Bob did.

Gifts can be made to:

Account # 82799
In Memoriam Programme
Ottawa Regional Cancer Centre Foundation
503 Smyth Road
Ottawa, Ontario
K1H 1C4
Tel: (613) 247-3527
Fax: (613)247-3526

If you would like to make a donation online, please click here:

http://www.orccfoundation.ca

Even if you didn't know him, we all know someone in our life who has been
affected by cancer.

The fund benefits everyone, either way.

Best regards.

Sincerely,

Glen A. RITCHIE

P.S.: Please contact me at
glenaritchie at sympatico dot ca
if you should require Bob's full name as well as his obituary.

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