off topic - Scientist Jokes
- From: "georgia" <jwissmille@xxxxxxx>
- Date: 12 Sep 2005 14:08:35 -0700
http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/science/
Scientist Jokes
Fire!
A physicist and a mathematician are in the faculty lounge having a cup
of coffee when, for no apparent reason, the coffee machine bursts into
flames. The physicist rushes over to the wall, grabs a fire
extinguisher, and fights the fire successfully.
The same time next week, the same pair are there drinking coffee and
talking shop when the new coffee machine goes on fire. The
mathematician stands up, fetches the fire extinguisher, and hands it to
the physicist, thereby reducing the problem to one already solved...
Taken from the electronic bulletin of the Network of Student Physical
Societies, 1994
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Measurement Techniques
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given 50 pounds
to measure the height of a building.
The mathematician buys a ruler and a sextant, and by determining the
angle subtended by the building a certain distance away from the base,
he establishes the height of the building.
The physicist buys a heavy ball and a stopwatch, climbs to the top of
the building and drops the ball. By measuring the time it takes to hit
the bottom, he establishes the height of the building.
The engineer puts forty pounds into his pocket. By slipping the doorman
the other ten, he establishes the height of the building.
Taken from the electronic bulletin of the Network of Student Physical
Societies, 1994
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Conclusions...
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
side of the street. First they see two people going into the house.
Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the
house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The Biologist: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it
will be empty again."
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair, July 1996.
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Another fire!
A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel
sleeping when a fire broke out in their respective rooms. The physicist
woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC, and
began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple
minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his
suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on
the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to
sleep.
The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on
the taps full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out
the fire, and went back to sleep.
The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began
working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you-name-it, and after a
few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed, "I have
*proven* that I *can* put the fire out!" He then went back to sleep.
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair, July 1996.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Breakdown
Four engineers were travelling by car to a seminar, when unfortunately,
the vehicle broke down.
The chemical engineer said "Obviously, some constituent of the fuel has
caused this failure to occur."
The mechanical engineer replied "I disagree, I would surmise that an
engine component has suffered a catastrophic structural failure."
The electrical engineer also had a theory. "I believe an electrical
component has ceased to function, thereby causing an ignition
malfunction."
The software engineer thought for some time. When at last he spoke he
said "What would happen if we all got out and then got back in again?"
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Einstein's Room Mates
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is
not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are
very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the
room with others." he is told by the doorman (say his name is Pete).
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need
to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm. They enter
and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.
"See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"Why that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss literature!"
"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"Why that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theatre!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it.
"I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest
rates are headed?"
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair
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Howitzers
When considering the behaviour of a howitzer:
A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.
A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there.
An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair
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Travel Games
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an
airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he
wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he
politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer
persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a
question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a
question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the
Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know
the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!"
Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The
Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the
Programmer $5.
Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer,"What goes up a
hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at
him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through
all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands
the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and
tries to return to sleep.
The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the
question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands
$5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Pauline Sinclair
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Lost Balloonist
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his
altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon
further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet
above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am. How did you know?"
"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to
anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am. But how did you know?"
"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me
to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met,
but now it's my fault."
Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Christine E Lord
.
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