Re: It's okay
From: Dwilliams (animallady2002_at_yahoo.com)
Date: 06/11/04
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Date: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 10:53:12 -0500
There's just no way anyone can totally understand what this experience is
like until they have gone through it. It's a wonder anyone survives the
process considering the stress and grief they're already under. There's no
way it could be a pleasant experience but it's especially hard when you're
totally unprepared as in your case, or mine, Becky. One thing
though.....thank God for Masonic brothers and Eastern Star sisters in very
bad times.
Dee
"Becky Young" <blupencl@aol.combadstuff> wrote in message
news:20040611105918.11585.00000919@mb-m04.aol.com...
> My father, after retiring from the banking business, needed something to
do. So
> he is the director or the boss or something of a cemetery here. He has sat
on
> the board for many years, but now he goes to the office every day. He
knows all
> the funeral people all over the place.
>
> One of his Masonic brothers, a guy that dad mentored, owns this particular
> chain of funeral homes. The minute Brian died, Dad called his friend, only
to
> find that he was out of town, but Dad left a message for him.
>
> We went to the funeral home to make the arrangements. I was on autopilot,
in
> shock, and had not had the sense to sit down and do any accounting, but I
> figured I was going to have to Visa some of it, because I thought it was
going
> to be like $5000 or something.
>
> Dad said not to worry, they'd make the arrangements without any money till
I
> could figure things out. He didn't give it a thought, knew that when he
said
> "XXX is going to call you..." that would be that.
>
> I wasn't asking them to carry a note for me, not at all. I just wanted to
get
> the arrangements made, get the ball rolling, and then be able to sit down
and
> gather the money. I am not impoverished, but I don't have much of a
reserve,
> either. We were totally unprepared, in other words.
>
> We sat across the desk from this man, made all those arrangements, which
> reminded me of holding down some kind of fort from an onslaught of
bullets.
> Brian's wishes were my only concern. If he'd wanted a $7000 mahogany
casket, I
> would have done that (not liked it, but done it).
>
> He wrote up all the papers, gave me the bottom line. Dad said, "Well we
need to
> go, before XXX calls. So how much do we need to pay before we leave?"
>
> Mr. Buffoon says, "Here. This number I showed you." POinted to the total
amout
> due.
>
> Boy that flew all over my dad. I wrote the check and we figured it out
later,
> but how embarrassing that was.
>
> When Mr. XXX got back in town, he was pretty mad, felt that we had
received
> shabby treatment.
>
> But it taught me a lesson. I am not going to leave my children with such a
> task. I'm going to set down instructions and make sure all they have to do
is
> pass those instructions along. I wont' have it already paid for, but I
will
> have arrangements so they can get the $ out of the bank and not have to
worry
> with it.
>
> One of the things that has kept me from just folding up and dying (as if
you
> could really do that) is thinking of how hard that would be on them.
>
>
> >After having gone through this experience with my mother when my father
died
> >(he was 51), I think the best thing my husband and I can do for my family
is
> >to buy the plots, get that pre-paid funeral thing, and *write it all
down*
> >for the remaining spouse and/or executor. Of course, we're not even 40
yet,
> >but things happen and if we've already taken care of all this stuff, it
sure
> >takes a lot of burden off grieving loved ones whose *last* thought should
> >be, "How am I going to pay for this?"
> >
> >LizzieB
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> Becky Young
>
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