Re: A sad day

From: Anne Vasquez (annevasquez_at_NOSPAMhotmail.com)
Date: 08/02/04 

Date: Mon, 02 Aug 2004 17:50:07 GMT

Thank you so much, everyone, both for the posts here and emails. Your
support means more than you know.

My niece called this morning and said that my BILs made a positive
identification today. I knew already in my heart, but this makes it
final. Details are still really muddy though. I have major questions
about what really happened. It sounds like he was in police custody
when he was taken to the hospital. The police definitely knew who he
was, and I don't understand why his mother was not notified of his
death. His family had been looking for him for a week, and they found
out that he'd died by calling hospitals in Tucson. I don't understand
why no-one had contacted them! I guess it's a miracle that they got any
info at all from the hospital since HIPAA went into effect. I feel all
muddled; I want very much to know what really happened, but in the end,
the results are going to be unchanged, no matter what we find. This sucks.

Anne

Anne Vasquez wrote:

> This has got to be the stormiest day I've had thus far in my life. I
> received a call from my SIL earlier, telling me that my husband (from
> whom I've been separated for almost 2 years) was found dead in Tucson.
> They don't know the cause of death yet; the story I've been given thus
> far is that he was extremely intoxicated and drank a poisonous
> substance, mistaking it for his beer. (??? What the ...??!) He died
> almost a week ago, and his family just found out. My SIL says there are
> details that I REALLY don't want to know and refused to tell me any
> more. She's supposed to call me tomorrow, after they've positively
> identified him and talked further with the police. The thought of him
> dying in terrible pain is absolutely tearing me apart.
>
> Neither of my daughters is here. My older daughter is en route from
> California and should be here Tuesday or Wednesday. My younger daughter
> is out of state with friends and won't be back until Tuesday night. I
> don't know how I'm going to tell them this!!! My heart is just
> breaking, for all of us.
>
> I didn't leave this man because I didn't love him anymore; love was
> never a problem between us, but there were other issues that made it
> impossible for me to stay. I know leaving was the best thing I could
> have done, really the ONLY thing I could do. There was no way I could
> have fixed his life for him, or even help him do it. Didn't stop me
> from loving him, though, crazy or not, and I can't even describe the
> feelings I'm having now. I'm amazed at the level of grief after almost
> 2 years of separation, although since we spent 21 years together, maybe
> I shouldn't be so surprised. Still, I feel sort of hypocritical - after
> all, I DID leave him. Between the grief I feel personally and knowing
> how much this is going to hurt my girls, I'm beside myself. What am I
> going to say to them? I don't think they need every ugly detail, but
> how much do they need to know? I'm just reeling and am very grateful
> for a day or two to try to figure out how to break this to them. I just
> can't believe he's not still walking the earth somewhere, even if I
> don't know where he is. He was an ass sometimes, but we also had a lot
> of really good years together. Damn, damn, damn, what a colossal waste!!!
>
> Thanks for "listening" to me - I really needed someone to "talk" to
> tonight.
>
> Anne

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