Re: I need wisdom, please

From: Neal Brown (nbrown12_at_comcast.net)
Date: 08/22/04 

Date: Sun, 22 Aug 2004 11:13:19 -0600

I am going to disagree with a couple of things you said you already did.
Tell her this
first:
" There is a wonderful little girl in our life.
> She is a joy, and fits in wonderfully with us all. She is a tomboy and has
> charmed everyone of she has come into contact with. She dances, bullies my
> sons, makes friends anywhere we go. We've been really close to her for
seven
> years now."

Then quietly and completely let her know how much she means to you, how much
you love her, and will always love her.

Having gone through a similar experience with one of my daughters, I believe
the "scratching" herself is because she hates herself right now and wants to
hurt herself. This could easily escalate to very real suicide attempts. I
would look at it right now as a call for help.

A counselor may or may not help. In my daughter's case, they did very
little good. My daughter was very smart, very cunning, and knew how to tell
the counselors just what they wanted to hear. My personal belief is to run
like hell from a school counselor!

If her mother is not a help, it is going to be up to you. If moving from
the town you are now in is an option, consider it strongly. What this
little girl is going through is way too large a burden for her to carry
alone!

Good luck!!

Neal

First, talking with her "at the top of your lungs" accomplishes absolutely
nothing except exercising your lungs.
"Montyna" <donald031@centurytel.net> wrote in message
news:GfCdnRDAeJz1W7XcRVn-qA@centurytel.net...
> There is a wonderful little girl in our life.
> She is a joy, and fits in wonderfully with us all. She is a tomboy and has
> charmed everyone of she has come into contact with. She dances, bullies my
> sons, makes friends anywhere we go. We've been really close to her for
seven
> years now.
>
> About six months ago, she started changing. Being quieter, sadder. Then
she
> started cutting herself, not bad, actually more like scratches. I talked
to
> her about what in the hell she was thinking and then this whole awful
story
> came out.
>
> It turns out that last school year, a boy, a very, very popular boy talked
> her into letting him take pictures of her topless with a Polaroid camera.
> This boy was also 13.
>
> She is certain that he gave her the only copy and that there was no way,
no
> how he could have been able have kept one.
>
> But of course the little pig didn't keep his mouth shut and it's spread
all
> over. There are rumors that he's made quite a few prints and is handing
them
> out.
>
> So what do I do now? Can I send a posse to string him up? Do I call the
> police. Call CPS and get his parents arrested? Her mother is worthless.
She
> pretty much lives here, and I know what I would do.
>
> I have told her that it was a very stupid thing to do, but it won't be the
> last stupid thing in her life she'll do, and that as far as bad things go
> there are far worse. We had a long discussion at the top of my lungs about
> the word NO, and she will never be left alone again. She is not a sleezy
> girl, doesn't wear makeup, doesn't dress like Brittany, etc.
>
> She is so scared about school next year and how many people know and what
> they will all be saying about her.
>
> I've told her it was a stupid thing to do, and to learn something from it,
> but she can't change it, and I'm not going to let her hide. She's going to
> have to face it, and can do it with her head up and shoulders squared or
> spend the next few years flinching.
>
> This girl is beyond special. I'd so love to cream the creep behind this
> whole thing, and get my hands on his parents who were in the house while
> these two 13 years olds were upstairs in the bedroom with the locked door.
>
> She is a very, very pretty girl. She's a cheerleader this year, and making
> that almost made her explode and then this crap happened. She's talking
> about quitting the squad because she's sure everyone knows.
>
> Does anyone know anything else I can tell her or do, to make this better
for
> her? I really don't care about the pig-boy, but I hate the thought of her
> hurting this bad and being afraid to go places.
>
>
>

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