Telling a tale on my ignorant friend.

Some of you may remember my friend, Fred. I probably haven't talked about
him in a long time, but he still lives across the road and we still talk a
lot, even after my DH died.

OK. He is probably the single most shallow man I have ever known. He is a
dandy. He probably has 200 pairs of shoes, sometimes 3 different colors of
one style. He is VERY concerned about physical appearance. I might mention
that he is 57, and while he's an attractive man, I wouldn't call him a hunk.

His sense of humor is his only redeeming quality, as he grades women by the
appearance of their rear end. I just find this almost unbearable, and always
have. He even had my daughter's best friend stand up at the races one night
and said to me, "OK, Becky, I want you to find me a woman my age with a ***
that looks like that." I had to inform him that, sadly, people our age don't
have butts like that.

So in spite of all this, there is a woman who has been head over heels in
love with him since the 3rd grade at Hope. She is a very determined
individual and she has kept after him for years, until they're finally
together.

He told me, "Ya know, she's gaining weight! All we do is eat, and it's
showing on her!" I told him something like oh, well, there's Pat's getting
fat, and then there's terrorism and stuff. The world is a terrible place.

He had told me before that he wondered what would happen if he bought a size
10 wedding dress and hung it in the closet and told her - Get into that, and
we'll talk. This woman is nearly 6 feet tall, and not tiny, but she is far,
far from obese.

I told him I sincerely hoped that she killed him while he was wide awake if
he said a thing like that to her.

So he tells me that he got a snoot full of beer over the weekend and they
were sitting on the patio. He said he looked at her and told her, "You know,
if you could get down into about a size 14, you'd be a fine-looking woman."

She looked at him. "This IS a 14."

He said: "Okay. A 12, then."

I laughed until tears rolled down my face. I told him he deserved whatever
she throws at him, but he said she just laughed at him.

She gets the "Good sport of the year" award or something. I'd have killed
him.


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