To all my good email friends

To One and all of my Good E-mail buds:

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you
who have taken the time and trouble to send me forwards" over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal
an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of
your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,
and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email tracking program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's beautician....



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Relevant Pages

  • Re: To all my good email friends
    ... > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water ... > I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since ... I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I ... > an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. ...
    (sci.med.transcription)
  • OT ~ To All E-Mail FWD Freaks Out There....
    ... I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a ... I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx ... I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I ... forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five ...
    (rec.outdoors.rv-travel)
  • OT: Thanks
    ... > I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx ... I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I ... > forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five ...
    (alt.support.mult-sclerosis)
  • Forwarded....
    ... I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water ... I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS, or FedEx, since ... I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward ... an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. ...
    (rec.music.gdead)
  • Re: To all my good email friends
    ... >>your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet ... >>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water ... >>I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since ... >>an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. ...
    (sci.med.transcription)
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