Re: ? - right/wrong/neither

Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to send <mmeahan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote
here for all to seenews:4470d91c$0$96915$742ec2ed@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:

Jeannie Wilson wrote:
Okay, I got asked a question(s) today and I am not 100% sure of my
answer because I can honestly see both sides (what a curse
sometimes). Anyway, I thought I would throw this out there for you
all.

If this is the same youth pastor you told me about before, you know
what I think about him. LOLOLOL

Earlier today I wasn;t sure if he is who they were asking in reference to
but since going this evening I am pretty sure that's who they are talking
about.


How would you feel if the youth pastor at your church were dating the
sigle mother of one of the youth in his youth group? Appropriate?
Not appropriate?? Why?

If the church believes it would be okay for her to remarry, I don't
see why it should be a problem. I could see how some tongues could
wag as far as worrying about his playing favorites, though, if it was
not done discreetly.


Well, our church has the policy that if you are not scripturally divorced
(adultery, abuse, etc.) then you cannot be re-married in our church).

Also....what if this were the 3rd girlfriend this same youth pastor
had within a 1.5-year period and the 2nd girlfriend was also a member
of the congregation?

That depends on how you define girlfriend and who the ladies are -- to
me it might show some level of immaturity. But I am not there to see
exactly what is going on.

Well, the level of maturity is equivocal. His former girlfriend hasn't
stepped foot back in our church to keep herself from being the victim of
favoritism, especially since apparently the breakup was her idea.


Along thos esame lines - Is it appropriate for a single pastor to
date members of the congregation of the church where he is employed?

I would much rather see a youth pastor date within his own
congregation (or someone from his Bible college) rather than outside
of the congregation, because I would be concerned about the influence
of someone from a different congregation; HOWEVER, I think that any
dating or girlfriends of someone at a pastor level should have a
maximum amount of discretion -- not subterfuge, but just
confidentiality.

I agree totally. However, discretion and maturity have not been the norm.
In fact, I found out today that it has been secretive, deception and a bit
of lying about the relationship. I think that is the main issue and not so
much that he is dating. That and the consequences it could have for her
children - the one in his youth group as well as the younger one. I
imagine it would be harder to lose mom's boyfriend who you really liked and
a youth pastor and a church all at once rather than just lose the one. I
think if it were handled maturely and with some discretion it might be
accepted but given the history, I can see why there are parents who are
upset with the example they see he is setting for the youth.




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