Re: Another "moral" ?

Well, let's see. Scripturally, if you have a problem with someone, you go to them personally, and if that doesn't resolve things, you take someone else with you to talk to them.

> Youth A tells a flat-out lie about Adult B in front of Youth C and Youth D

This is gossip, plain and simple. Someone with far more wisdom than I told me that when I hear unsavory things about someone and they are not affirmed by more than one party, that I should dismiss them until such point as they are affirmed officialy somehow, by more than one party, or by the party involved. Nevertheless, not knowing the nature of the lie and knowing that some lies are damaging and might need to be refuted, I can understand why they could want to say/do something about it, because I have a sensitive conscience, too, and sometimes things trouble me and I can't sit on them, either.

> Youth C and Youth D tell Adult B the lie

Unfortunately, Youths C and D going straight to Adult B might also be considered gossip, but a youth is not necessarily going to be mature/wise enough to make that distinction, so I would not hold that against them.

> Adult B discussed it with the parents of Youth A, as that child is a minor
> and do not feel it is appopriate to confront the child

Adult B probably should have also requested the presence of Youth A if he/she is over the age of about 8 or 9.

> Parents tell Adult B that youths C and D are in the wrong for telling Adult
> B that Youth A told the lie about her and never really say that Youth A was
> in the wrong for telling the lie in the first place.

Youth A was definitely wrong to lie. But if Youth A's parents happen to be the type who believe that their precious little darling would never lie (which was the case with a problem "little angel" *retch* we were dealing with), you will never get anywhere. If the parents who are saying that Youths C and D are in the wrong are Youth A's parents, you have this type of problem parents.

So what should have really been done? We have had problems with minor-aged inveterate liers-to-protect-self before, and in my experience, the best thing to do would be for the all parties involved plus the parents of all the youths to sit down together for the initial confrontation and have Youth A repeat to Adult B what was said to Youths C and D or else to retract the statement. But people won't always do that, *especially* parents of problem "little angels" *retch*.

(Example, but not the worst one I have had) One Sunday night there were two ~11-YO girls sitting right in front of us chattering away, drawing pictures, writing notes and holding them up over the pew, trying to get my 18-YO to play with them with shuttling their stuffed animal back and forth between the rows, etc. I took the stuffed animal and stuck it behind my back until the service was over, I kept shushing them when they were getting noisy, and when they were holding up notes high enough that people 3 rows back could see it, I whispered to them to put them down. Right after the service, I stopped them and explained that I was stopping them because what they were doing was extremely distracting to me and that I felt they were old enough to either not do that or else they might want to sit in the back of the church next time. One mom got furious with me, that her daughter would never be disruptive, that she was watching the entire thing and saw nothing wrong, and I had no business speaking to her ~11-YO daughter about anything but if I had a problem, I should talk to her. (And now she avoids me, which is okay with me.) If those kids had been 6 or 7, I would have pointed it out to the parents, but it has been my experience that after about age 7 or 8, children gain enough maturity that another adult in church should be able to speak to them -- and at any rate, if the parents didn't want them to be corrected by another adult, they should not have their children sit halfway across the church from them. (My children always sat with me or very close to the parents of the friend they wanted to sit next to but never by themselves.)

Personally, sometimes I think the Oompa-Loompas were right -- most times, a child turning into an insufferable brat is the fault of the parents, who deserve to be punished more than the child. But that generally does not sit well in churches. LOL

And it sounds like someone needs to do a cram course church-wide on how to handle gossip and confrontation.

******hugs******
.

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