Re: Father's rights


"Ed Chait" <edchait4remove@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:01Yrg.5185$ye3.1672@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sandi" <sanditypes@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
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Or leave and get some protection, or leave and go to a shelter for a
while. There are options. They don't always sound like a lot of fun, but
when you have to maintain your safety, sometimes life gets a bit
inconvenient for a while. It's unfortunate, but it's just life, and life
isn't fair. In the end the choices are to continue to be a victim, or to
take control of your situation.

Sandi (who is not talking out of my a**, but has lived it)


In NA we have a saying that may be a bit simplistic and does not pertain
to every circumstance, but contains a lot of truth:

"There are no victims, only volunteers"

ed

You are right. Of course there are victims, as we all know - innocent
children, for example, and victims of sudden crime that they could not have
seen coming. Certainly women who experience domestic violence are also
victims, but at some point in the process, one is, or becomes, a volunteer.
The process of "grooming" a woman for this type of life can be very sly and
insidious, and men who are otherwise total imbeciles can have a talent for
just that sort of manipulation. Before you know it, there you are, living a
life you'd have sworn could never happen to you. But at some point, a woman
must make the choice to either remain in that life, which can come to no
good end (even if he never kills you, if you have children you are raising a
generation of abusers and victims), or step away from it and actually live.

Sometimes, stepping away can trigger horrible violence and even death. It's
not a decision a person can ever take seriously enough. In the most severe
cases, it can take months or even years of planning, or it can be as simple
as calling the police, filing charges, and allowing the police to transport
you to a shelter. In less severe cases, walking away can be just that,
walking away, and the only repercussions are emotional ones faced in dealing
with the loss of a person that one either genuinely loved or was in some way
emotionally addicted to.

Bottom line is, the police can't help you, your friends can't help you,
strangers can't help you, and family can't help you, unless you are willing
to reach out, take the help, and help yourself. In that way it is very much
like facing an addiction and choosing to fight it.

I look forward to starting my job prosecuting these cases, but I also go
into it with my eyes wide open. Women are going to not show up. They are
going to come in and beg me to drop charges (it's policy not to). They are
going to come into court and swear he never touched them. But some of them
will have had enough. Some of them will stand up and prosecute, or at least
not get in the way of a prosecution. Some of them will take the cards for
the women's center. If one in a hundred does any of these things, I'll
consider that tremendous success. You have to hold people accountable for
the choices they make, but you have to also realize that a woman can make
the wrong choice a hundred or a thousand times, and then the next time,
something will click and she will make the right one. For that 101st or
1001st time, you can't give up.

I say "woman" because although women do abuse men, it's not in the numbers
and not with the same effect that man-on-woman violence has. This is for
many reasons. First, women are more tolerant with their hearts than men
are. A man will walk away a lot faster than a woman will - in general, not
speaking of any specific person here. Men are also obviously bigger and
stronger than women, and the resultant damage if a fight does ensue is
apportioned accordingly. Women in these situations are often
socioeconomically disadvantaged, where men tend not to be. Etc., etc. On a
case-by-case basis, I'm just as willing to believe a man who says a woman
abused him as I am a woman who says a man abused her, but the numbers
overall don't bear out a 50/50 split on it.

Hmmm....that turned out to be a real stream-of-consciousness post. If
you're still reading, sorry about that! Back to real property and torts,
the stuff of torture.

Sandi


.

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