Re: Father's rights

It's amazing how hard it can be to walk away, even when you KNOW you're miserable, the situation is dangerous, and you're in physical and emotional pain almost all of the time. You're exactly right, though; sometimes the 101st or 1001st time a person is faced with the choice to get out, they'll take the hand that's offered. It's truly a godsend if a hand is there! BTDT, and thank God daily for second chances.

Anne


Sandi wrote:

You are right. Of course there are victims, as we all know - innocent children, for example, and victims of sudden crime that they could not have seen coming. Certainly women who experience domestic violence are also victims, but at some point in the process, one is, or becomes, a volunteer. The process of "grooming" a woman for this type of life can be very sly and insidious, and men who are otherwise total imbeciles can have a talent for just that sort of manipulation. Before you know it, there you are, living a life you'd have sworn could never happen to you. But at some point, a woman must make the choice to either remain in that life, which can come to no good end (even if he never kills you, if you have children you are raising a generation of abusers and victims), or step away from it and actually live.

Sometimes, stepping away can trigger horrible violence and even death. It's not a decision a person can ever take seriously enough. In the most severe cases, it can take months or even years of planning, or it can be as simple as calling the police, filing charges, and allowing the police to transport you to a shelter. In less severe cases, walking away can be just that, walking away, and the only repercussions are emotional ones faced in dealing with the loss of a person that one either genuinely loved or was in some way emotionally addicted to.

Bottom line is, the police can't help you, your friends can't help you, strangers can't help you, and family can't help you, unless you are willing to reach out, take the help, and help yourself. In that way it is very much like facing an addiction and choosing to fight it.

I look forward to starting my job prosecuting these cases, but I also go into it with my eyes wide open. Women are going to not show up. They are going to come in and beg me to drop charges (it's policy not to). They are going to come into court and swear he never touched them. But some of them will have had enough. Some of them will stand up and prosecute, or at least not get in the way of a prosecution. Some of them will take the cards for the women's center. If one in a hundred does any of these things, I'll consider that tremendous success. You have to hold people accountable for the choices they make, but you have to also realize that a woman can make the wrong choice a hundred or a thousand times, and then the next time, something will click and she will make the right one. For that 101st or 1001st time, you can't give up.

I say "woman" because although women do abuse men, it's not in the numbers and not with the same effect that man-on-woman violence has. This is for many reasons. First, women are more tolerant with their hearts than men are. A man will walk away a lot faster than a woman will - in general, not speaking of any specific person here. Men are also obviously bigger and stronger than women, and the resultant damage if a fight does ensue is apportioned accordingly. Women in these situations are often socioeconomically disadvantaged, where men tend not to be. Etc., etc. On a case-by-case basis, I'm just as willing to believe a man who says a woman abused him as I am a woman who says a man abused her, but the numbers overall don't bear out a 50/50 split on it.

Hmmm....that turned out to be a real stream-of-consciousness post. If you're still reading, sorry about that! Back to real property and torts, the stuff of torture.

Sandi


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