Re: seeking information

Yes, you did say that the sons could not afford the assisted living. I
don't know them, so I'm not passing judgment, but I read that as "They
cannot afford it AND keep up their own lifestyle", as that's how most
people think. If they are truly pinching their last penny, then you
can't get blood out of a turnip.

I think that taking care of our elderly parents (and I'll soon be one!
LOL) is a most difficult thing. For one thing, we usually only do it
once in our lifetime, so it seems that each person has to re-invent the
wheel. After they've been though it they've learned a lot, but now
their job is done, and the next person will have to go through the same
thing. And the answers are different for each family.

I truly feel sorry for your friend, and I hope they can find a workable
solution. Like I said... it's difficult. Best thoughts (and sympathy)
to them.

Personally, I feel that if my husband should pass on before his parents
(and they had no other children to care for them, or who would care for
them) it is my responsibility to do what I can. However, I can see
where if there had been great animosity between us for years (there
hasn't), I might not be so willing.

I just keep thinking... karma, karma, karma.

Kathy

CatLoverSu wrote:
I respect your opinion, Kathy, and I thank you for voicing it. --- But I
believe I said that their sons cannot afford the $1800-3000 per month for
assisted living. Believe me when I tell you that they REALLY want this, but
it's simply out of their financial grasp. It's not that they won't chip in,
but they can't. They've talked plenty about this one.

But now that you mention it, you made me think of something. I don't think
anybody's ever discussed this one before. What if one of the sons and his
wife managed to bring the parents into their home. After a while, one of the
sons dies but the parents are still alive. Should their spouse (in this
case, the wife) be required to continue take care of their in-laws?


<kathycarp@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1159504326.623267.229380@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Let me preface by saying... THIS IS MY OPINION.

These people have three children. It is their resposibility to see that
their parents are taken care of. If no one can have them in their home
then they each need to contribute to their income so that they can have
a roof over their heads, adequate medical care (Medicare and a
supplement should do), and food on the table. And they should be happy
to do it. What's right is right, even though it might be difficult.

Kathy


CatLoverSu wrote:
I'm asking for a friend. I'm hoping somebody here has some resources that
I
missed.

Parents still alive in their 80s. Mother is relatively healthy, but
father
is in the early stages of dementia (mostly tends to forget to close
doors).
They only have social security ($1450/month), plus about 25% of that goes
to
pay medical bills. They don't qualify for Medicaid because their social
security is too high. However, they can longer afford to live on their
own.

They have three adult children, all sons. One son is single and stationed
overseas. Another son is married with a teenager. His wife has told him
emphatically that his parents cannot live with them, plus they really
don't
have any room. The third son and his wife (this is my friend) live in a
small apartment (about 900 sq ft). The parents don't like his wife, and
she
doesn't like them. He visits his parents at least twice a month, but the
only time his wife sees them is during the holidays, and the wife and
parents always stress each other out (sometimes that happens, no matter
how
hard you try). Plus, the father is a heavy smoker and will NOT quit
smoking,
but my friend has a touch of asthma, so she can't be around cigarette
smoke.

The adult children have discussed assisted living for their parents, but
it's anywhere form $1500-3000 per month, depending upon what they get.
None
of them can afford this, even if they combine their earnings.

If checked into different options but I can't find a solution to my
friend's
problem. Are there ANY viable suggestions on this?


.

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