OT: 2006/2007 Company Policy


EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
you
are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a
raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore
you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour
and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door
will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your
picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders
category." Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned
under
the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and
input should be directed elsewhere.



Barbara


--
bsptss
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: OT: 2006/2007 Company Policy
    ... bsptss wrote: ... If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, ... We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch ... and a picture will be taken. ...
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  • OT: Mondays Memo
    ... If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, ... We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch ... your picture will be posted on the company's ... Skinny employees get 30 minutes break for lunch, as they need to eat more ...
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  • Rzcyblzrag Erthyngvbaf
    ... Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. ... lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ... Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. ... and a picture will be taken. ...
    (uk.rec.sheds)
  • Here be a good one!
    ... Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. ... Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. ... After your second offence, your picture will be ... Lunch Break ...
    (uk.radio.amateur)
  • OT employee handbook (follow these instructions and you will keep you job for lifetime LOL)
    ... If you dress poorly, you need to learn ... and therefore you do not need a raise. ... Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. ... LUNCH BREAK ...
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