Drink Specials For That Special Hurricane Party

Found this on a weather blog. Some people around here are a little
tense about the uncertainty of Ike's track, and this was posted to
give some of us a much needed laugh (not for the easily offended):

Time to lighten up a bit and add something to the madness!

Drink Recipes For That Special Hurricane Party

MANDATORY EVACUATION

1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Clamato
Prune juice

Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass
Fill remainder of glass with equal parts Clamato and prune juice
Stir
Drink
Ask next-door neighbor whose fichus tree blew over and crashed onto
your roof - even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if
you can use his bathroom
Repeat

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CATEGORY 5

1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice

Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass
Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice
Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella
Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries
to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your
shed was just a Category 1

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CONE OF PROBABILITY

1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 ice cream cone

Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone
Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite
off the end of the cone and down the shot
If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (they
should change this to the "Cantore Zone"
Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk,
if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?)

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FEEDER BAND

2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream

After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail
glass
Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer
Stir and drink through a straw

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BEACH EROSION

1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw

Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass
As you drink, seriously contemplate moving to Arizona

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DOWNED POWER LINE

1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass
Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go
two weeks without internet, television and AC

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FLOOD ZONE

2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum

Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh and cry deliriously as the mess
spills all over the countertop

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COLD SHOWER

2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite

Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after
waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot

Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold
beverage hits your tongue

Repeat

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LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT

1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt

Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt
Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and
can of sarsaparilla
Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla
Watch for looters
When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt
Drink shot
Repeat

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THE CHAIN SAW

1 oz. Goldschläger
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz. Jim Beam
Splash of vermouth

Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can
Add splash of vermouth
Drink
Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs
in yard
Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong

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FOUR-WAY STOP

1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine

Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass
Serve one to yourself and three other people
The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first
The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on
If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and
beat the life out of him

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BLUE TARP

1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz. pineapple juice
Splash of lime

Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve
Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup
If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do
the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the
process

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FEMA FIZZLE

1 oz. Southern Comfort
2 oz. sloe gin
Tonic water

One week after the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in
ruins with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and
gin in a cocktail glass
Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of Angostura bitters
Serve with a nut brownie
Before drinking, raise glass and say "Doing a helluva job there
Brownie"
.