Re: GOD=G_uv HAMMOND NOBEL SPEECH

From: Karlo X (ktakki_at_artcrime.com)
Date: 07/15/04 

Date: 15 Jul 2004 00:13:52 -0500

"George Hammond" <research137@hotmail.com> wrote in
news:tthJc.91153$XM6.82149@attbi_s53:

> GOD=G_uv HAMMOND NOBEL SPEECH

  vu_G=DOG HAMMOND WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW SPEECH

> ------------------internet remarks-----------------------------
> This message is being posted on internet newsgroups prior to
  involuntary commitment. I like to wank while dreaming about
> my being awarded a Nobel Prize for discovering the world's
  hairiest Iraqi woman. Until then, I will bore everyone with the
> first scientific proof of God, simply because I might not
  get through the day without killing myself. I doubt that I will
> live long enough to receive such a prize and I thought the
  King of Sweden would strangle me if I did. Only the under-
> world might be interested in what I would have to say if I did.
> ------------------internet remarks-----------------------------
 
You go, girlfriend!

 
> Ladies and gentlemen, a world miracle has occurred and far
  fuckin' out, man! The voices in my head helped with this, so far
> be it from me to stand here and claim sole credit for it. This
  Bud's for you, voices in my head! This delusion that I call my
> miracle has been wrought by many hands, by all of Science in
  the locked ward at Mass Mental, all of my myriad hallucinations in
> fact, from Aristotle to Einstein.

> As you know, the problem of Evil in the world is the greatest
  thing that ever happened to the Republican Party, the easiest
> challenge that man faces. Even natural disasters do not measure
  time on the Metric Scale, so we need a crazy super abacus to tally
> up to the damages that may be charged to human Evil.
 
> Evil in human history is so large that the greatest powers
  posessed by the X-Men have been rendered impotent. Masturbators
> on Earth have been found inadequate to beat it back. It is only
  a dream. It is only a dream. I can compare my sex life with
> the long slow progress of civilization itself that has had any
  chance of getting laid. A toddler with a straw might have an
> effect on lowering the water table of Evil in the world.
 
> Occasionally of course there are world miracles which represent
  rather than just frontin', yo. Taking my medication would be a
> a large step forward. The advent of representative government,
  psychotropic drugs, and Tetris are just three examples. The lies of
> organized religion, common law and public education, all represent
  the greatest threat to getting my freak on. None of these are
> miraculous milestones in the reduction of world Evil.

> Today we are observing the advent of the world's first
  steam-powered dildo, surely a greater invention than the so-called
> scientific proof of God. For centuries and millenniums this
  has been the goal of science, and only in hushed whispers has this
> possibility has been discussed. In the 20th century few still
  thought a steam-powered dildo was feasible, and only madmen like me
> believed that such a miracle was possible. Hope had practically
  given up believing that she could buy one. Dildo technology had
> been abandoned when accidentally a research effort aimed at
  steam-driven *** plugs found a breakthrough. A group aimed at
> finding the Structural Model of Psychology unexpectedly stumbled
  over a dead body and landed in a pool of blood, dripping plasma
> on the world's first scientific proof of God. Factor
  in the possibility of my being totally bat*** insane. Also,
> Analysis in Psychometry discovered that Einstein's curvature of
  the female breast causes erections in 54% of mice. A rift in
> spacetime causes a similar curvature in human perceptual reality
  until LaForge changes phase on the EPS couplings. Both this
> and that this curvature explains the 3,500 year old historical
  figure we call "*** Clark", who sometimes manifests himself as a
> phenomena we call "God". It doesn't explain the whole story, but
  American Bandstand lives on in our hearts. My voices claim that
> it is more than sufficient to prove that "God exists"... that the
  New Years Ball in Times Square is His will on Earth. I think this
> "invisible God" portrayed on the Sistine Chapel ceiling actually
  is Bil Keane's "Dead Grandpa" from the Family Circus. We know this
> physically exists.

> What we need to address then is how this discovery is going
  to keep me out of a locked ward. I don't think Bush is able
> to reduce the level of Evil that humanity currently faces. The
  Republican Party would have to dissolve first. Also, I think the
> first thing we observe is that this discovery de facto represents
  a major paradigm shift, such as Scientology's true ambition for
> an ecumenical unification of all of the world's religions. The
  Crucifix needs an E-Meter. Buddha, too. I have insulted the
> five major faiths, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and
  Botulism, merely by posting to Usenet. Sects like Kibology and
> Buddhism, are now simply denominations of one scientifically
  dissected frog. This splayed amphibian is the symbol of a Usenet-
> based World Religion. The same is true for scores of smaller
  amphibians and reptiles. I will continue to insult all of the
> world religions. The structure of religion is now known to
  exist in a numbered Swiss bank account. My many delusions
> originate in the geometry of the human body and brain and in
  the spirochetes that inhabit my nervous system. I blame
> the Secular Trend growth of the brain which is controlled by
  myriad venereal diseases I picked up in Thailand, fucking in zero
> gravity. In scientific terms, God is caused by gravity. Gravity
  is a myth. Earth sucks. Delusion caused by venereal disease,
> as you know, does not recognize race, color, age, class or gender.
  Even Thai shemales get the clap and pass it on to me, unfortunately.
> Therefore, in axiomatic physics terminology, all of the world's
  a stage, and upon that stage I have sex with a Thai shemale, and all
> religions are proven to be identical.

> Surely then, having unified all of the world's religions, we
  must round them all up in the camps. Those sane people reading
> may presume that the next logical step must be the unification
  of my arms in a straitjacket. This confinement is the goal
> of the world's governments. The course is now clearly charted
  in my medical files. Those nasty black helicopters all fly
> toward world government. From world government, it follows
  a trail of bread crumbs out of the forest. I can state
> automatically that human rights must be granted to every
  reptile and amphibian, every mollusk, every fern and moss-like
> inhabitant on Earth. This then, is how the scientific proof
  Kibo will be written on a men's room stall at the BPL. Only fear
> of God is going to effect a miraculous reduction in world Evil.
  Wait. That previous sentence made all too much sense. ***.
> With the entire world population in full knowledge that there
  will be no new season of "Friends" this fall, and that Hasselhoff
> actually is a God, and the knowledge that God is fair, just and
  ever so sweet, we can all die happy. For if the movie I, Robot is
> good, it will become impossible for any large scale political
  movement to legalize robot sex. I wonder if Hoover could cause a
> vacuum to exist which could allow a large scale social Evil to
  be sucked out from under the living room couch? Expect things to
> materialize.

> On the other hand, predicting the timetable for this miracle
  is best left to Amtrak. Making sense of my SPOG web pages
> is more difficult. I do believe that it must begin with an ecumenical
  affirmation of faith, like the Scientologists' attempt at a
> unification of the world's 5 major faiths. On the other hand,
  I have a rash that just won't go away. The Trilateral World
> Government itself cannot ignore this discovery. The doctrine of
  Manifest Destiny worked pretty good, eh? And the myth of the
> "Separation of Church and State" will have to be reexamined and
  dismantled by the Republican regime. Esperanto texts will be
> reinterpreted. For instance, "God" is now a scientific subject
  on the Discovery Channel, along with the show "American Choppers",
> and certainly the discovery of a scientific proof of God will
  resound through the walls of my padded cell. Making X will
> have to be covered in our public school science curriculum.
  I, for one, welcome our ecstasy-making overlords. PLUR!
> These developments in our Clerical and Secular institutions
  will end up on page G-64 in the New York Times, of course,
> and the speed with which they are made will likely set the
  table for our dinner guests. Only Amtrak will have the
> timetable for the world miracle of Human Progress that this
  dubious achievement represents, which only the cable channel
> discovery holds forth.

> Well, that's it. As a scientist I do not think it appropriate
  to spam my schitzophrenia all over Usenet, but the voices call
> for me to go on any further, as clearly it is now within
  the realm of possibility for me to be Kook of the Century. It's
> the purview of our elected leaders of Religion and Government to
  steal our money and molest our children. Please, open my pants and
> take this scientific tool and make the best use of it. In the
  locked ward I spend my time jerking off and posting, while in the
> meantime, it is up to every responsible individual to become
  aware of my disease. I want everyone on Usenet and the web to be
> aquainted with this discovery and to spread the news of this
  disease that afflicts me. Only Scientology can spread the
> new miracle of spiritual unification throughout the world.
 
> George Hammond, July 13, 2004
>====================================
> SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF GOD WEBSITE
> http://geocities.com/scientific_proof_of_god
> mirror site:
> http://proof-of-god.freewebsitehosting.com
>====================================

So, how's that Haldol working out for you, George?

k. 

-- 
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are
 really good at heart."  - Anne Frank
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