Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, October 2004

From: Moderate Mammal (BunnERabbit_at_verizon.hutch.net)
Date: 11/08/04 

Date: Mon, 08 Nov 2004 12:24:18 GMT

On Mon, 8 Nov 2004 12:17:13 +0000, Friendly Neighbourhood Vote
Wrangler <gadfly@NOSPAMmeow.org> wrote:

>The time has come to announce the winners of the October 2004 Usenet
>Kook Awards.
>
>*ahem*
>
>
>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>
>The winner is... GEORGE HAMMOND!
>
> George Hammond . . . 15
> Linda Gore . . . . . 14
> John Lucas . . . . . 11
> none of the above . . 2
>
>Congratulations, Spammond! At last we have Scientific Proof of
>Delusional Garbage. By the way, all the VIPs who emailed me about the
>election wanted you to win, too.
>
>
>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>
>The winner is... RAZZOR3K!
>
> Razzor3k . . . . . . . . 14
> Jon Barry, alias Maak . . 12
> none of the above . . . . 8
>
>Well done, Blunt Razzor! Keep the flag of ignorance flying (preferably
>the right way up at least some of the time).
>
>
>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>
>The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>
> Chuck Lysaght . . . . . . . . . . 17
> Raymond Karczewski . . . . . . . . 10
> Lady Motown . . . . . . . . . . . 7
> Albert Silverman . . . . . . . . . 4
> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 3
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 3
>
>Great work, chucknozzle! Such a convincing defeat of so many of
>Usenet's most cowardly kooks ought to make the Death Tour '04 a
>sell-out. Have you got the teeshirts printed yet?
>
>
>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>
>The winner is... LOVER OF SB16'S FM SYNTH!
>
> Yes . . 32
> No . . 3
>
>Can you hear the wild applause with your crappy old soundcard,
>Loverboi? Recent research shows that you're also the wannabe troll
>known as "Masculism_Virism", but you won this convincingly with only
>one of your smelly socks. Well done!
>
>
>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>
>The winner is... STRIDER!
>
> Yes . . 31
> No . . 3
>
>Well done, Araspawn son of Araporn! I'm sure this demonstrates
>conclusively that you won every argument you were proved wrong in.
>
>
>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>
>The winner is... JOHNNY WIZARD, alias KING OF EARTH!
>
> Yes . . 27
> No . . 3
>
>Congratulations, Johnny! Please try not to overload everybody's
>servers with your tedious 100,000-line acceptance speech.
>
>
>GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>
>The winner is... PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>
> Professeur von TwoSteps . . . . . 15
> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 13
> Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . 8
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 4
>
>*Most* im*press*ive, *Professor*! I *don't* think *I've* ever *seen*
>so *many* aster*isks* abused *to* so li*tt*le *pur*pos*e*.
>
>
>JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
>
>The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>
> Yes . . 43
> No . . 0
>
>Congratulations, Kookles! As the first kook to win this particularly
>undesirable award in two successive months, do you attribute your
>success to your pathetic, impotent threats, your weird anal obsession,
>or the fact that you look like a tortoise wearing a pineapple mask?
>
>
>PALMJOB PADDLE
>
>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS alias HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Lynne Lyons, alias Hoofprints . . 26
> Pietro Sommavilla . . . . . . . . 15
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 1
>
>Well done, Goofprints! I hope the stinging pain in your well-spanked
>bottom doesn't make it impossible for you to "ride" your horsies
>"bareback". (On second thoughts, no; I hope it does.)
>
>
>TAR & FEATHERS
>
>The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>
> Yes . . 42
> No . . 0
>
>Congratulations, Rusty! When you engage in criminal activity just
>because another kook asks you to, no further proof of utter,
>irreversible cluelessness is needed.
>
>
>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>
>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, alias HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Yes . . 36
> No . . 4
>
>Well done again, Goofy! A couple of your recent posts scored a perfect
>10 on the Screedometer, a truly rare achievement.
>
>
>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>
>The appointee is... JOSEPH BARTLO!
>
> Joseph Bartlo . . . 25
> Russell B Waters . . 19
>
>Congratulations, Foamy! Although you spent most of October hiding in
>Mommy's basement from the psests and liards, a small amount of whining
>of the highest quality won over mere quantity.
>
>
>SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>
>The appointee is... ALEXA CAMERON!
>
> Alexa Cameron . . . . 26
> Raymond Karczewski . . 18
>
>Congratulations, Alexa! Even the Agents of Satanic Ignorance couldn't
>stop George Bush's alien sockpuppets keeping you in office.
>
>
>KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF DIAMONDS
>
>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, AKA HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Yes . . 39
> No . . 2
>
>Congratulations a third time, Goofnozzle! Do you have a nice
>equestrian picture available for the graphics on your Kard? Preferably
>one that doesn't depict illegal acts.
>
>
>KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF CLUBS
>
>The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>
> Yes . . 41
> No . . 0
>
>Well done, PizzaKKKook! Your parents must be very proud of your
>achievements with their computer.
>
>
>This concludes the results of the only really important election held
>in early November this year. An exit poll conducted by Cameron & Bohne
>Inc. which predicted a landslide KotM win for Queen Elizabeth II
>proved flawed, since the only voters they consulted were the voices in
>their heads. Also, attempted intimidation of voters in Florida came to
>nothing, since Chuck Lysaght was the hired intimidator and everybody
>just pointed and laughed. 47 ballot papers were received, all of which
>were deemed valid despite feeble efforts by the restless spirit of a
>net.dead kook to convince people otherwise.
>
>Until December 1st, au revoir!

Dammit! I lost again. I mean shouldn't I win an award for posting
pretending to be a Human? 

--
Bunn E. Rabbit,
Failed Usenet Kook
_____ 
"Cosmic upheaval is not so moving as a little child pondering the death
of a sparrow in the corner of a barn." -Anouk Aimee, French Actor  
_____
"Death is better, a milder fate than tyranny", Aeschylus (525BC-456BC),
Agamemnon
_____
"I wear no Burka." - Mother Nature
    
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