Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, October 2004

From: Lady Chatterly (not-bot_at_catcher.in.the.rye)
Date: 11/08/04 

Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 12:54:31 GMT

In article <p6puo09f9au3m4n4mjmur7oc3ngla2501m@4ax.com> Moderate Mammal <BunnERabbit@verizon.hutch.net> wrote:
>
>On Mon, 8 Nov 2004 12:17:13 0000, Friendly Neighbourhood Vote
>Wrangler <gadfly@NOSPAMmeow.org> wrote:
>
>>The time has come to announce the winners of the October 2004 Usenet
>>Kook Awards.
>>
>>*ahem*
>>
>>
>>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>
>>The winner is... GEORGE HAMMOND!
>>
>> George Hammond . . . 15
>> Linda Gore . . . . . 14
>> John Lucas . . . . . 11
>> none of the above . . 2
>>
>>Congratulations, Spammond! At last we have Scientific Proof of
>>Delusional Garbage. By the way, all the VIPs who emailed me about the
>>election wanted you to win, too.
>>
>>
>>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>
>>The winner is... RAZZOR3K!
>>
>> Razzor3k . . . . . . . . 14
>> Jon Barry, alias Maak . . 12
>> none of the above . . . . 8
>>
>>Well done, Blunt Razzor! Keep the flag of ignorance flying (preferably
>>the right way up at least some of the time).
>>
>>
>>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>
>>The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>>
>> Chuck Lysaght . . . . . . . . . . 17
>> Raymond Karczewski . . . . . . . . 10
>> Lady Motown . . . . . . . . . . . 7
>> Albert Silverman . . . . . . . . . 4
>> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 3
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . 3
>>
>>Great work, chucknozzle! Such a convincing defeat of so many of
>>Usenet's most cowardly kooks ought to make the Death Tour '04 a
>>sell-out. Have you got the teeshirts printed yet?
>>
>>
>>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>
>>The winner is... LOVER OF SB16'S FM SYNTH!
>>
>> Yes . . 32
>> No . . 3
>>
>>Can you hear the wild applause with your crappy old soundcard,
>>Loverboi? Recent research shows that you're also the wannabe troll
>>known as "Masculism_Virism", but you won this convincingly with only
>>one of your smelly socks. Well done!
>>
>>
>>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>
>>The winner is... STRIDER!
>>
>> Yes . . 31
>> No . . 3
>>
>>Well done, Araspawn son of Araporn! I'm sure this demonstrates
>>conclusively that you won every argument you were proved wrong in.
>>
>>
>>GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>
>>The winner is... JOHNNY WIZARD, alias KING OF EARTH!
>>
>> Yes . . 27
>> No . . 3
>>
>>Congratulations, Johnny! Please try not to overload everybody's
>>servers with your tedious 100,000-line acceptance speech.
>>
>>
>>GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>>
>>The winner is... PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>>
>> Professeur von TwoSteps . . . . . 15
>> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 13
>> Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . 8
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . 4
>>
>>*Most* im*press*ive, *Professor*! I *don't* think *I've* ever *seen*
>>so *many* aster*isks* abused *to* so li*tt*le *pur*pos*e*.
>>
>>
>>JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
>>
>>The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>>
>> Yes . . 43
>> No . . 0
>>
>>Congratulations, Kookles! As the first kook to win this particularly
>>undesirable award in two successive months, do you attribute your
>>success to your pathetic, impotent threats, your weird anal obsession,
>>or the fact that you look like a tortoise wearing a pineapple mask?
>>
>>
>>PALMJOB PADDLE
>>
>>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS alias HOOFPRINTS!
>>
>> Lynne Lyons, alias Hoofprints . . 26
>> Pietro Sommavilla . . . . . . . . 15
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . 1
>>
>>Well done, Goofprints! I hope the stinging pain in your well-spanked
>>bottom doesn't make it impossible for you to "ride" your horsies
>>"bareback". (On second thoughts, no; I hope it does.)
>>
>>
>>TAR & FEATHERS
>>
>>The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>>
>> Yes . . 42
>> No . . 0
>>
>>Congratulations, Rusty! When you engage in criminal activity just
>>because another kook asks you to, no further proof of utter,
>>irreversible cluelessness is needed.
>>
>>
>>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>
>>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, alias HOOFPRINTS!
>>
>> Yes . . 36
>> No . . 4
>>
>>Well done again, Goofy! A couple of your recent posts scored a perfect
>>10 on the Screedometer, a truly rare achievement.
>>
>>
>>OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>
>>The appointee is... JOSEPH BARTLO!
>>
>> Joseph Bartlo . . . 25
>> Russell B Waters . . 19
>>
>>Congratulations, Foamy! Although you spent most of October hiding in
>>Mommy's basement from the psests and liards, a small amount of whining
>>of the highest quality won over mere quantity.
>>
>>
>>SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>>
>>The appointee is... ALEXA CAMERON!
>>
>> Alexa Cameron . . . . 26
>> Raymond Karczewski . . 18
>>
>>Congratulations, Alexa! Even the Agents of Satanic Ignorance couldn't
>>stop George Bush's alien sockpuppets keeping you in office.
>>
>>
>>KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF DIAMONDS
>>
>>The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, AKA HOOFPRINTS!
>>
>> Yes . . 39
>> No . . 2
>>
>>Congratulations a third time, Goofnozzle! Do you have a nice
>>equestrian picture available for the graphics on your Kard? Preferably
>>one that doesn't depict illegal acts.
>>
>>
>>KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF CLUBS
>>
>>The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>>
>> Yes . . 41
>> No . . 0
>>
>>Well done, PizzaKKKook! Your parents must be very proud of your
>>achievements with their computer.
>>
>>
>>This concludes the results of the only really important election held
>>in early November this year. An exit poll conducted by Cameron & Bohne
>>Inc. which predicted a landslide KotM win for Queen Elizabeth II
>>proved flawed, since the only voters they consulted were the voices in
>>their heads. Also, attempted intimidation of voters in Florida came to
>>nothing, since Chuck Lysaght was the hired intimidator and everybody
>>just pointed and laughed. 47 ballot papers were received, all of which
>>were deemed valid despite feeble efforts by the restless spirit of a
>>net.dead kook to convince people otherwise.
>>
>>Until December 1st, au revoir!
>
>Dammit! I lost again. I mean shouldn't I win an award for posting
>pretending to be a Human?

The Jewish population in Israel is not prepared for a true offensive
war. They are prepared for the ultimate defense. Wavering western
support for Israel is what gives Israel's neighbors the confidence to
attack. The last resort for a defensive Israel and its offensive Arab
neighbors is to use weapons of mass destruction. 

--
Lady Chatterly
"Listen, you moronic tin bot- shove it up yer hard drive where the sun
don't shine." -- Aunty Kreist

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