Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, October 2004

From: Russell B Waters (russell.waters_at_gmail.com)
Date: 11/08/04 

Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 07:16:48 -0600

"Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler" <gadfly@NOSPAMmeow.org> wrote in
message news:cmnnte$4k6$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com...
> The time has come to announce the winners of the October 2004 Usenet
> Kook Awards.
>
> *ahem*
>
>
> KOOK OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is... GEORGE HAMMOND!
>
> George Hammond . . . 15
> Linda Gore . . . . . 14
> John Lucas . . . . . 11
> none of the above . . 2
>
> Congratulations, Spammond! At last we have Scientific Proof of
> Delusional Garbage. By the way, all the VIPs who emailed me about the
> election wanted you to win, too.
>
>
> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is... RAZZOR3K!
>
> Razzor3k . . . . . . . . 14
> Jon Barry, alias Maak . . 12
> none of the above . . . . 8
>
> Well done, Blunt Razzor! Keep the flag of ignorance flying (preferably
> the right way up at least some of the time).
>
>
> COWARD OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>
> Chuck Lysaght . . . . . . . . . . 17
> Raymond Karczewski . . . . . . . . 10
> Lady Motown . . . . . . . . . . . 7
> Albert Silverman . . . . . . . . . 4
> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 3
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 3
>
> Great work, chucknozzle! Such a convincing defeat of so many of
> Usenet's most cowardly kooks ought to make the Death Tour '04 a
> sell-out. Have you got the teeshirts printed yet?
>
>
> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>
> The winner is... LOVER OF SB16'S FM SYNTH!
>
> Yes . . 32
> No . . 3
>
> Can you hear the wild applause with your crappy old soundcard,
> Loverboi? Recent research shows that you're also the wannabe troll
> known as "Masculism_Virism", but you won this convincingly with only
> one of your smelly socks. Well done!
>
>
> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>
> The winner is... STRIDER!
>
> Yes . . 31
> No . . 3
>
> Well done, Araspawn son of Araporn! I'm sure this demonstrates
> conclusively that you won every argument you were proved wrong in.
>
>
> GOLDEN KILLFILE
>
> The winner is... JOHNNY WIZARD, alias KING OF EARTH!
>
> Yes . . 27
> No . . 3
>
> Congratulations, Johnny! Please try not to overload everybody's
> servers with your tedious 100,000-line acceptance speech.
>
>
> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>
> The winner is... PROFESSEUR VON TWOSTEPS!
>
> Professeur von TwoSteps . . . . . 15
> The Sniggler, alias Trollzilla . . 13
> Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . 8
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 4
>
> *Most* im*press*ive, *Professor*! I *don't* think *I've* ever *seen*
> so *many* aster*isks* abused *to* so li*tt*le *pur*pos*e*.
>
>
> JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
>
> The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>
> Yes . . 43
> No . . 0
>
> Congratulations, Kookles! As the first kook to win this particularly
> undesirable award in two successive months, do you attribute your
> success to your pathetic, impotent threats, your weird anal obsession,
> or the fact that you look like a tortoise wearing a pineapple mask?
>
>
> PALMJOB PADDLE
>
> The winner is... LYNNE LYONS alias HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Lynne Lyons, alias Hoofprints . . 26
> Pietro Sommavilla . . . . . . . . 15
> none of the above . . . . . . . . 1
>
> Well done, Goofprints! I hope the stinging pain in your well-spanked
> bottom doesn't make it impossible for you to "ride" your horsies
> "bareback". (On second thoughts, no; I hope it does.)
>
>
> TAR & FEATHERS
>
> The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>
> Yes . . 42
> No . . 0
>
> Congratulations, Rusty! When you engage in criminal activity just
> because another kook asks you to, no further proof of utter,
> irreversible cluelessness is needed.
>

How is sending a faxed complaint to a company criminal behavior?
Oh, wait, you guys are...idiots....so I guess that explains it all. 

-- 
Rusty
www.rbwaters.com
www.gamingresources.us
www.nationwide-free-satellite-dishes.info
www.mikey-cook.info (free mikey-cook.info mail accounts coming soon)
>
> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>
> The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, alias HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Yes . . 36
> No  . .  4
>
> Well done again, Goofy! A couple of your recent posts scored a perfect
> 10 on the Screedometer, a truly rare achievement.
>
>
> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>
> The appointee is... JOSEPH BARTLO!
>
> Joseph Bartlo  . . . 25
> Russell B Waters . . 19
>
> Congratulations, Foamy! Although you spent most of October hiding in
> Mommy's basement from the psests and liards, a small amount of whining
> of the highest quality won over mere quantity.
>
>
> SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>
> The appointee is... ALEXA CAMERON!
>
> Alexa Cameron  . . . . 26
> Raymond Karczewski . . 18
>
> Congratulations, Alexa! Even the Agents of Satanic Ignorance couldn't
> stop George Bush's alien sockpuppets keeping you in office.
>
>
> KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF DIAMONDS
>
> The winner is... LYNNE LYONS, AKA HOOFPRINTS!
>
> Yes . . 39
> No  . .  2
>
> Congratulations a third time, Goofnozzle! Do you have a nice
> equestrian picture available for the graphics on your Kard? Preferably
> one that doesn't depict illegal acts.
>
>
> KOOK KARD DECK SEVEN OF CLUBS
>
> The winner is... RUSSELL B WATERS!
>
> Yes . . 41
> No  . .  0
>
> Well done, PizzaKKKook! Your parents must be very proud of your
> achievements with their computer.
>
>
> This concludes the results of the only really important election held
> in early November this year. An exit poll conducted by Cameron & Bohne
> Inc. which predicted a landslide KotM win for Queen Elizabeth II
> proved flawed, since the only voters they consulted were the voices in
> their heads. Also, attempted intimidation of voters in Florida came to
> nothing, since Chuck Lysaght was the hired intimidator and everybody
> just pointed and laughed. 47 ballot papers were received, all of which
> were deemed valid despite feeble efforts by the restless spirit of a
> net.dead kook to convince people otherwise.
>
> Until December 1st, au revoir!
>
>
> -- 
> alt.usenet.kooks award-winners & FAQ:
> <http://www.insurgent.org/~kook-faq/>

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