Re: NASA Issues new Safety Guidelines
From: Rand Simberg (simberg.interglobal_at_org.trash)
Date: 03/23/05
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Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 18:18:17 GMT
On Wed, 23 Mar 2005 14:40:41 GMT, in a place far, far away, Craig Fink
<WeBeGood@GMail.Com> made the phosphor on my monitor glow in such a
way as to indicate that:
>Iwishi Hadabrain
>Headquarters, Washington March 22, 2005 (Phone: 123/456-7890)
>
>MEDIA ADVISORY: M03-119
>
>NASA CHANGES SAFETY GUIDELINE FOR VEIWING SHUTTLE LAUNCHES
>
>NASA spokeswoman Iwishi Hadabrain announced today that NASA has complete a
>review of the Space Shuttle Launch Viewing Safety Guidelines for the
>general public. In the announcement, new guidelines were presented which
>NASA feels will insure the safety of all those wishing to view the shuttle
>launch safely.
>
>First, it was decided to limit the number of people at KSC to less than
>25,000 people. NASA spokeswoman Iwishi Hadabrain said, "Our studies
>indicate that 25,000 people is the maximum number of people that we can
>allow to travel to KSC at any one time. It's dangerous out there. People
>might actually get in their cars and drive long distances to see a Shuttle
>Launch. Cars just aren't safe, we wouldn't want to be responsible for
>people getting into accidents and possibly killed on there way to watch a
>Shuttle Launch."
>
>"Furthermore", Iwishi Hadabrain stated, "People might actually fly to
>Florida to see a Shuttle Launch, because of the great distances involved.
>They might actually get on an aircraft to do this. You've watched the news
>haven't you. Those things fall out of the sky all the time. Can you
>imagine the bad press that we at NASA would get if an airplane full of
>Shuttle Launch viewers were to fall out of the sky killing everyone on
>board and possibly someone on the ground. Such a large number of people
>all dying in the same place, at the same time, could mean the end of NASA,
>and my cushy job."
>
>Iwishi Hadabrain continued, "These and other concerns were used to
>determine the maximum viewers that will be allowed KSC. The launch complex
>at KSC only occupies 25,000 acres. We figured out that if we put one seat
>and one person on each of those 25,000 acres, we greatly reduce the
>probability of killing more than one person at any one Shuttle Launch,
>thus insuring the continuation of my cushy job."
>
>Some additional changes included a new NASA developed spectator safety
>suit for children, and NASA developed blindfolds for residents of Cocoa
>Beach. Since children who will be viewing the launch will be separated by
>great distance from their parents, the new NASA developed "Bubble Wrap
>Suit" will reduce injures if they should happen to fall. Iwishi Hadabrain
>commented, "Children have been known to fall down, and residents of Cocoa
>Beach also, that is, if they were to accidentally look up and get an
>unauthorized view of the Shuttle Launch. We feel that blindfolding all the
>residents of Cocoa Beach was the best option to reduce injuries caused by
>residents being distracted by the Shuttle Launch and tripping over
>things."
>
>When it was pointed out that the last Shuttle Disaster actually occurred
>during entry, Iwishi Hadabrain stated, "Yes, Yes, NASA is currently
>working on new guidelines for viewing landings, but you must realize this
>is a much, much, harder problem. We're just not sure we can come up with a
>solution. This Space Stuff is really hard. You have to understand that,
>it's just really, really, hard. Harder than you can imagine. We're
>considering all kinds of stuff to insure the safety of the general public.
>But remember, we here and NASA have the right stuff, we have the rocket
>scientists, and damn near all the astronauts in the world working on this
>problem. Our current concept that we feel insures the safety of the
>general public requires the help of the general population. If everyone in
>the country cooperates we feel we can again land safely again in Florida
>with little or no risk to the general public. We'll be issuing a statement
>just after the deorbit burn so that everyone in the nation can climb under
>their Kitchen Tables. Everyone has a Kitchen Table, don't they? And for
>those wishing to watch the landing, we're also urging them to move their
>televisions under the Table too."
Is this your work? Can I republish it on my blog, with attribution?
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